For 33-year-old Saumya* the joy of motherhood came at a price. Although she was happy to finally have her baby in her arms, the sudden bouts of crippling loneliness made her uneasy and sad.
“Loneliness is actually a quite misunderstood topic. People generally relate it to physical loneliness however, at times, even when one is surrounded by many, one feels lonely,” she told Financial Express.com.
Saumya said that despite being in a joint family no one really understood how a new mother can be helped apart from just “sharing random advice.”
” I gave birth in June 2023 and had tons of people visiting me, to meet the kid and mainly point out something which they felt wasn’t done properly for the child. That phase of being lonely was difficult since I had lost myself and my confidence in doing anything. Husband had a critical office project going on, yet he stepped in to help. However, there was very little that he could actually do since even he didn’t know much. Like everyone else, even he believed that elders in the family would somehow pitch in. On the contrary, elders had their own things going and somehow couldn’t be the kind of support expected from them,” she revealed.
Six months after she gave birth, Saumya* and her baby had to move to Bangalore with her husband. “Two of us manage the house, office and the baby by ourselves. When we looked around and found our couple friends supported by at least some family members in helping take care of the child, we once again found ourselves lonely,” she shared.
This was the most difficult time of their marriage. “We couldn’t give any time to each other, were not able to understand each other’s issues, fights kept increasing, misunderstandings grew, we found ourselves lonely. I cried alone. Because if anyone saw or knew, would just once again walk in to give me another random advice. It took us a good one year to figure out how to manage our lives together and that could only be solved by sticking together,” she said.
Saumya* experienced these bouts of loneliness in phases.
“When for days I am tied up with routine chores and there’s absolutely no breathing space, I feel exhausted. When I look around people chilling out, I feel probably I have taken too much on me and that feeling of loneliness kicks in. I feel the loneliest when I am physically unwell and I still have to get up and manage things like nothing has happened to me at all. It’s like, I probably can’t afford to take a break because then there’s no one to step in. Even if husband tries to, the toddler needs and wants the mother the most,” she informed.
A some point in our lives, most of us feel lonely. Studies suggest younger adults aged 16 to 29 years are more likely than those in older age groups to report feeling lonely ‘often or always’.
‘Loneliness-A pressing global threat’
In 2023, the World Health Organization (WHO) has declared loneliness to be a pressing global health threat. The UN Health body maintains that mortality effects of loneliness are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
In older adults, loneliness is associated with a 50 percent increased risk of developing dementia and a 30% increased risk of incident coronary artery disease or stroke.
But it also affects the lives of young people. Between 5 percent and 15 percent of adolescents are lonely, according to figures that are likely to be underestimates. In Africa, 12.7 percent adolescents experience loneliness compared to 5.3 percent in Europe.
“Loneliness is not simply being alone—it is an intense feeling of isolation and emotional pain that arises from a lack of significant relationships. It impacts individuals of all ages, ranging from young adults with social isolation to the elderly with loneliness. We commonly find patients with loneliness, which is masked by stress, anxiety, or even illness,” Dr. Rahul Chandhok, Senior Consultant & Head Psychiatry, Artemis Lite NFC, New Delhi told Financial Express.com.
Loneliness has been found to heighten the risk of heart disease, depression, and weakened immunity. Social media, while bringing people together virtually, sometimes perpetuates this loneliness by replacing virtual connections with human interaction, Dr. Chandhok revealed.
He also highlighted that loneliness is a serious health issue with both physical and mental implications. “Long-term loneliness raises stress levels, compromises the immune system, and increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke. It also leads to mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, which make it more difficult to recover from diseases,” Dr. Chandhok pointed out.
Social isolation can lead to the release of stress hormones, causing long-term inflammation that harms the body. It impacts the brain in the same way as physical pain. Loneliness in older adults raises the risk of dementia.
‘I prefer keeping my feelings to myself’
27-year-old Sushant* is living in Switzerland for nearly 8 years now. He moved to Geneva as a student and is now working. “I am someone who has a fairly decent social life, but I do feel lonely at times,” he told Financial Express.com.
“Loneliness is a rampant in this continent, fueled by individualistic lifestyle and lack of strong sense of human relationships like family. Additionally, in an international setting – you meet and work with people from all over world, but most of the interactions stay at the superficial level. So, finding people and groups you can connect deeply with is a problem,” Sushant* revealed.
According to Campaign to End Loneliness data, university students are likely to experience loneliness: nearly 1 in 4 students feel lonely ‘all’ or ‘most’ of the time. International students are considered to be at particularly high risk of loneliness, and may experience ‘cultural loneliness’.
“I feel lonely at times, I would say maybe a couple of times a week on a good week and around 4-5 times in a bad week. I would feel the loneliest on Friday nights, if I don’t have any plans with friends or others and am all alone in my apartment by myself,” he shared.
“I don’t find it hard to make friends, I easily make a lot of friends. However, over time and through distance of time zones and geographies it becomes difficult to maintain friendships.”
He also shared that he tends to keep his feeling to himself, so there is no feeling to sharing or confiding in someone. “I am fairly happy with my social life at the time,” he said.
There is difference between loneliness and solitude. I like my solitude, at times. I use this time to think, reflect and get productive and move my intellectual part of life ahead, he explained.
He also shared that he used to feel lonelier a few years before – especially during COVID-19. “It makes me feel purposeless, affecting my moods at times. I learnt my way around it, now I have a list of movies to watch – so whenever I am by myself – I read books or download these movies and watch them. This has been quite helpful,” Sushant* told Financial Express.com.
It is noteworthy loneliness can affect people of different genders in different ways, so responses to loneliness can vary based on need. A large body of research shows that social isolation and loneliness have a serious impact on physical and mental health, quality of life, and longevity, WHO stated.
‘Loneliness is not only an emotional condition’
Dr. Chandhok told Financial Express.com that loneliness has a major impact on physical and mental well-being. “Some of the most prevalent physical health issues associated with loneliness are high blood pressure, heart disease, and a compromised immune system. Isolation-induced chronic stress raises inflammation in the body, which makes people more susceptible to infections and chronic diseases such as diabetes,” he explained.
He also revealed that sleep disturbances also occur quite commonly, as anxiety can be caused by loneliness that makes it challenging for people to relax and rest appropriately.
“Psychologically, loneliness is strongly associated with depression, anxiety, and susceptibility to cognitive decline, including dementia in older adults. Patients report sadness, low self-esteem, and poor concentration. Severe loneliness may lead to unhealthy lifestyles such as overeating, smoking, or alcoholism. Solving loneliness requires a good support system, involvement in the community, and mental health treatment,” he said.
Dr. Chandhok also highlighted that there has been an alarming increase in health problems linked to loneliness.
“The COVID-19 epidemic, rising reliance on digital connections, and changing lifestyles have all led to increased social isolation. More patients are reporting symptoms of sadness, anxiety, sleep disturbances, and stress-related illnesses, including high blood pressure. The elderly, young people, and distant workers are among the most impacted,” he said.
A lack of meaningful social ties reduces mental resilience and may even affect physical health by increasing inflammation and reducing immunity.
Who is most affected by loneliness?
Loneliness may affect people of any age, although young adults aged 18 to 30 and the elderly over 60 are most vulnerable. “Young adults commonly experience loneliness as a result of academic and professional pressures, dependency on social media, and a lack of authentic interpersonal interactions. Despite their online contacts, many people experience social anxiety, loneliness, and a sense of isolation,” Dr. Chandhok revealed.
These concerns can cause anxiety, depression, and unhealthy coping techniques such as too much screen time or drug usage. Elderly individuals often experience loneliness as a result of retirement, the loss of loved ones, or mobility challenges.
“Many of them live alone, which can lead to emotional distress, cognitive decline, and physical health problems like high blood pressure and weakened immunity. Both groups need strong emotional support, social interaction, and mental health care,” he said.
Is there any solution?
In India, urbanization and nuclear family setups have led to increased loneliness, especially among the elderly and working professionals, Kamna Chhibber, Head, mental health, Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences at Fortis Healthcare told Financial Express.com.
Doctors maintains that small adjustments, such as making real-life contacts, engaging in social activities, and prioritizing mental health, can have a significant impact.
“Seeking professional assistance when necessary is also critical since mental health is just as vital as physical health. Societies, families, and businesses must work together to create supportive settings where people feel valued and connected,” he said.
“We can reduce loneliness while increasing overall well-being by fostering compassion, inclusion, and open mental health discussions. Remember that reaching out, whether to help or seek support, might be the first step toward healing.”
One of the most successful strategies is to encourage social involvement; joining local clubs, support groups, or volunteering activities can help you make important relationships.
“Regular interactions with others reduce emotional isolation and improve mental wellness. Physical exercise, such as walking, yoga, or attending a fitness class, improves physical health and produces endorphins, which assist to relieve stress and depression. A planned daily routine reduces emotions of emptiness and boredom. Restricting excessive use of social media and focusing on actual-world relationships is crucial,” Dr. Chandhok told Financial Express.com.
Pursuing hobbies, for instance, reading, music, or gardening, helps to feel useful. Even having a pet may provide companionship and emotional support. By implementing these small but significant lifestyle modifications, patients are able to build a robust, better emotional support system and enhance both mental and physical well-being, he explained.
*Names changed on request
DISCLAIMER: If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or in distress contact the Vandrevala Foundation’s helpline (+91-9999666555) which is available in 11 languages including English and can be accessed via telephone or WhatsApp 24×7. You can also contact Fortis Hospital’s National Helpline number 91-8376804102 which is available 24×7. You can also contact the Government Mental Health Rehabilitation Helpline ‘KIRAN’ at 18005990019 which is available 24×7.
