A loud noise startles him. A birthday party is being celebrated by a neighbour next door in the residential colony. ?I am alarmed by loud noise,? says Ravi Joshi, Manager-Marketing, Bank of Baroda. Any loud noise he hears reprises the time he was stuck with strangers in a room, all huddled like him in the dark, some chanting prayers and others texting their loved ones; all strung together by the fear of being shot. It is over a week since terror Wednesday trapped Joshi at the Taj Mahal Palace and Tower and yet the fear remains. ?I have never known fear as the way I did that night,? he says. His speech is slow, halting, as he struggles to talk about the dark night, he wants to forget. ?I wondered how I would be killed. Will I be shot through the head or would I be pumped with bullets? How many bullets would it take to kill me? What kind of a death would I get??
Shuddering at the thought, Joshi says, his one regret then was, ?I had not visited my parents in Dehradun for over 18 months.? Joshi remarks about a change in him, ?I speak much lesser now.? He would like to do ?something? for the defence forces. ?I just want to be able to do something for the commandos and the army who risked their lives for us.?
Terror was not on the mental horizon of the people who were trapped behind locked doors and walking past corridors in five-star hotels. But when a group of terrorists let loose their guns on guests, the pain and torment left scars. For some it is also physical, for example, Delhi-based Chandra Mohan Puri, Director, Central Bank. He took a bullet on his leg and has injuries on his back while at The Oberoi for an official meeting. ?My first worry was for my colleagues who were with me in the hotel. I hoped they were safe.? He wondered what to tell his wife and children. ?I did not want to scare them.? Discharged from the hospital and back in Delhi now, Puri says, ?being alone in a city where I had many friends was disturbing, for no one could reach me. That is an awful experience.?
What gladdens him now is seeing the sun every morning. ?When I was being wheeled into the operation theatre, I wondered whether I would see the sun the next day.?
For some, holistic disciplines provide the clutch to get on with life. Amit Kumar Alok of Bank of Baroda has started doing meditation since he walked back into his life, albeit shaken. ?I do meditation for half an hour every morning,? says Alok. He does not want to reflect on the happenings of that day. ?It is because of God and the prayers of my family that I am out alive,? he says. ?I don?t like to be alone anymore. I try to be with friends as much as possible.?
The anger refuses to leave some ? anger towards the government. ?Why can?t the government have experts to diffuse tension at close quarters,? asks Ramagopal Vishnubhotla of Oracle Financial Services Software, Bangalore.
?Why can?t the government get some expertise and have funds diverted like in the Jawahar Rozgar Yojana for the security of people? Can?t the government collect funds and deploy a security force that corporates can call upon in times of urgency?? He is trying to live life, says Vishnubhotla: ?I have always lived on hope and will continue to do so.?