Being single in today’s world is expensive, yes you read that right. The average monthly spending for a single person is around $4,641 to $4,948 according to the latest US Bureau of Labor Statistics and economic data.
Hence, between rising rents, skyrocketing healthcare costs, and the general chaos of modern dating, it is no surprise that TikTokers have recently brought back the concept of a “lavender marriage.”
But this time, it is not about hiding sexuality or appeasing Hollywood’s star-studded studio system. Instead, it has become a humorous solution for young people in America dealing with inflation, loneliness, and the lack of affordable housing.
What is ‘lavender marriage?’
In recent months, TikTokers have flooded the app with videos offering themselves up for lavender marriages, promising everything from mortgage assistance to mutual support without the baggage of traditional romance.
These viral clips showcase the growing frustration young people have with the expectations placed on them in terms of both love and finances.
One of the first to ignite this trend was Robbie Scott, a queer TikTok creator who posted a video offering himself as the ideal lavender marriage partner. “I can be your husband, I can be your wife, I can be your dog, I can be whatever the f**k you want me to be,” Scott says in his viral video.
“All you have to do is marry me so that I can afford to pay a mortgage, utilities, and taxes, that is it. You can mess around with whoever you want whenever you want. In fact, I encourage it.”
While his offer was clearly tongue-in-cheek, Scott’s approach resonated with many Gen Z viewers facing the economic strain of living in today’s world.
The video, tagged with #LavenderMarriage, quickly gained attention and sparked a wave of similar posts from other users.
Scott specifies that men need not apply, not because he is attempting to conceal his sexuality, but rather to keep the focus on practical companionship.
“I don’t want to mix love and sex with the state-sanctioned stability that a marriage contract can provide,” he said.
History of lavender marriage
Originally coined during the early 20th century, a lavender marriage was a union between a man and a woman, where one or both individuals were secretly part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
These marriages were often carefully orchestrated by studios, agents, or families as a means to preserve a person’s public reputation while concealing their true sexual identity.
In an era when being queer could mean facing criminal charges, lavender marriages were a survival mechanism in a world that demanded heteronormative conformity.
One of the most famous examples from Hollywood’s Golden Age is Rock Hudson, the charming leading man whose sexuality was concealed through his marriage to Phyllis Gates, the secretary of his agent Henry Willson.
The union, widely believed to be a cover-up, helped protect Hudson’s career and reputation, especially as he became a box-office draw for the studios.
Hudson, who later died of an AIDS-related illness in 1985, spent much of his life keeping his sexuality a secret.
Fast forward to the 2020s, and this has made a spectacular comeback, but with a twist. Today’s TikTokers are reinterpreting the once-clandestine concept, using it to address the challenges of modern life, namely, financial insecurity, rising living costs, and the overwhelming burden of navigating adult responsibilities alone.
Enter Gen Z, an entire generation facing unprecedented economic challenges, increased by inflation, student debt, and stagnant wages.
Many young people are rethinking traditional relationships and marriage, considering them not only as emotional and romantic partnerships but also as practical, financial arrangements.
For many, a lavender marriage is no longer about hiding sexual identity; it is about finding a stable, platonic relationship that provides financial security and companionship in a time when both seem increasingly elusive.
Is lavender marriage a way to deal with loneliness?
This trend is happening now as a response to a growing loneliness epidemic in the US, especially among young people who are dealing with adulthood without the support of a stable economy or traditional family structures.
According to therapists and sociologists, these marriages have always been a form of protection. These non-romantic partnerships represent a way to find both financial security and emotional companionship in a time when both seem increasingly out of reach.
For many TikTokers, the lavender marriage trend has become less of a joke and more of a solution to the impossible pressures placed on them.
The concept taps into the desire for emotional support and financial independence, two things that can feel nearly impossible to achieve in today’s climate.