New age urban women Zappers below 30 years are truly liberated. With terrific command, they drive societal trends, harbour no taboos, and express themselves freely. There?s no evidence in them of submissiveness associated with Indian women.
A 24-year-old IT professional was narrating to me how she first negotiated for independence on being pressurised to get married. She accepted it in exchange for the right to continue with her job. Within a month of her marriage, she was posted overseas. So for nine months she ?chilled out and enjoyed the novelty of a new culture.? She was lucky her husband and in-laws were broadminded. Failed marriages and divorce within the first year is becoming a new trend among working Zapper couples.
Working women of 35 are in another league when divorced. They love to live alone. They value this independence after their marriage turmoil. Extreme loneliness of single living is preferable to dealing with expectations of subservience. Perhaps this loneliness leads the divorcee to the world of self-hedonism. When feeling down, she?s open to a relationship, but without commitment. In no hurry to make a ?second mistake? of a second marriage, she finds a mature married man interesting. She can easily identify telltale signs of emotional gaps he?s facing, and having traversed that route herself, she knows how to fill that void. As neither of them want to break up the marriage, such a couple feels secure in their attainment of emotional and physical love.
The liberalised woman?s psychology is a new chapter in India. She?s not the traditional mistress. She wants her solitude, her space; she?s not dependent on his money to live her life. With no routine obligation, they respect each other?s privacy needs. She?s free to have a relationship with different men and is comfortable doing so. It seems it?s not a matter of sexual desire. It?s to regain finer feelings post a wrecked marriage. Call this new trend ?friend with benefit.? They meet occasionally, surprise each other, revel in a non-materialistic companionship. Both understand and savour emotional and sexual love.
In his 1960s film Belle de Jour, meaning Daylight Beauty, the incredible Spanish film maker Luis Bunuel drew the portrait of a newly-wed, sophisticated French noblewoman not ready to consummate her marriage. The couple was in love; her loving husband was patiently giving her space to mentally come to terms with physical love. One day she overheard conversation at a society gathering about private prostitution at a certain address. It aroused her curiosity. She arrived at the address. Surprised to see this beautiful, high-class woman, the ?Madam? appointed her immediately. Hesitatingly, she announced her availability on afternoons only, obviously when the husband was at work. ?Madam? named her belle de jour, the lily that blooms only in daylight, and sent her to service an aristocratic professor customer. Walking in, she found him standing with a whip. She took off her clothes. He was aghast; screeching for his familiar whore, he shooed her away. An agitated ?Madam? and belle de jour peeped through the curtains and saw the regular prostitute stomp in, whip and command him to crawl, begging for sex. The masochist customer wallowed in the beatings, groveling for more. ?Madam? realised belle de jour needed another kind of customer, and presented her to a young, rough-and-tough, small-time gangster. In the film, she fell in love with this low class brute. This story clearly established that not only do men have the choice of going to a brothel, but a bored, rich woman can experiment with prostitution for that extreme intemperance to liberate her being.
The profligacy of living on her own terms, not seeking society?s approval, is an alternative that the 35+ divorcee in India sometimes takes. To be in total control, she seeks an unattached man in his twenties who doesn?t have marriage on his mind. Her attraction is to feel young and carefree once again. There?s excitement in the young man?s physical attention as he?s new to the relationship game. It?s a novel thrill for both partners. For her, it?s taking revenge for having endured the hardship of unreasonable demands that finally ruined her planned life.
In global corporate houses, it?s politically correct to showcase gender diversity. Here, a new phenomenon has emerged since India?s 1991 economic reforms. The 35+ unmarried women professionals have stormed male bastions. They?ve gained stature by efficiently driving business, supporting parents, but they?re conscious about hiding emotions because, ?If you display emotion, you?ll get no promotion.? Male chauvinism does block their careers though. Even in developed countries like the US, as per research by Catalyst, Corporate Library among others, women receive about 6 in 10 college degrees, yet progress is slow in reaching the top. In 2009, the publication USA Today saw only 13 women CEOs in Fortune 500 companies, up from just 1 woman co-CEO in 1996 (Marion Sandler of Golden West Financial).
While conducting research, I find it extremely disturbing to hear heart-rending outpourings from women on how they?ve missed the marriage boat. A senior-level professional said she doesn?t know how to approach a man anymore, how to fall in love and to marry: ?I don?t have words or the look to address a man emotionally.? Her demanding corporate role consumes her. Another 35-year-old sceptic said, ?To match my age, only divorced or married men are available, and I hate the ?second hand idea.? ? But one and all talk of having to ward off unwelcome sexual innuendoes and advances at both on and off the workplace.
To bond a brand with its consumers, I always dialogue with diverse people to capture and integrate their emotional aspects with the brand or corporate philosophy. When I experienced the genuine feelings and discomfiture of young women living alone, it froze me in my tracks. I wonder if lonely independence is what?s pushing the human borderline between sexual desire and the search for affection.
Shombit Sengupta is an international creative business strategy consultant to top managements. Reach him at http://www.shiningconsulting.com