Matt Richtel

I?M heading into another vacation, and I?m nervous. I don?t want to kill again. I pretty much did in my last break, this March. Not an act of premeditation so much as passion. Seven days in Hawaii. It was going to be the best vacation I?d ever had. And then it started.

Somehow my wife and I had failed to anticipate the effects of a time-zone change on our two toddlers. Then there was the rain. I took refuge in my phone, checking the weather, reading the news. I checked my phone to see if anyone missed me on Facebook. Nope. I had hoped to return home at peace. Instead I was exhausted, defeated and irritable. What had I done?

With another break looming, I went seeking professional help. Is there a way to get the most out of a vacation? Or at least not to ruin it? As it turns out, yes. The secret to not killing your vacation revolves around understanding not just your motives, but also your brain and the role it plays in undoing your time off.

And so, after a series of conversations with neuroscientists, behaviour experts and even business executives I have a few answers. Herewith, the last vacation mental prep list you?ll ever need.

Start now

People are working at historic intensity, ever-connected and consumed by work. So it?s not surprising that even though your body might be comfortably prone on a beach, your brain is still scrolling through to-do lists back home. In fact it is unrealistic, experts say, to expect your thoughts to stop on a dime. Which is why, said Emma Seppala, the associate director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University, letting go is something ?you have to practice on a daily basis.? This entails being deliberate about shifting out of work mode and keeping the eternal to-do list at bay.

Leave your context at home

Habits are formed and reinforced by our physical context. Which, it seems perhaps too obvious to point out, is why we go on vacation. But these days we are perhaps unaware of just how much of our everyday life we bring along, too. No, not the office or the train, but the phone ? that cubicle in your pocket. Make a point to change your relationship with your device. Maybe leave it in one place and refuse to tote it around all day.

Endure the boredom

Fight through the withdrawal?not just from your device but also from the constant need to be doing something. (If you find this unpleasant, and chances are you will, it doesn?t mean that your vacation is bad or that you hate your family.)

To help your brain along, researchers have a few thoughts. First, plunge into an absorbing but low-stakes activity ? hiking, snorkeling, knitting a two-piece. Novel and unfamiliar tasks help tug our brains out of their ruts. Second, if you are up to a slightly higher level of difficulty, just observe your brain as it moves from thing to thing, hunts and pecks.

Get over yourself

Your workplace will not implode if you?re not there. Please don?t make me prove it to you using math. And the fact that it can keep running in your absence doesn?t mean you?ll return to a pink slip.

Don?t prepare for your death

Before I go on vacation, I prepare as though I?m headed to the coroner. I empty the in-box, clean the piles on the desk, put away all the laundry, dust. On the face of it I?m just getting my personal effects in order so that, presuming I survive my vacation, I also spend it worry-free, liberated to enjoy things to the fullest. But in the process, experts say, I am also significantly raising the stakes for my impending trip. And raising expectations, some research shows, can have great costs. It builds dopamine, for one thing, which can lead to happy feelings. But if expectations aren?t met?if the pool is a bit subpar, say ? dopamine levels fall. ?This feeling is not pleasant,? said David Rock, director of the NeuroLeadership Institute. ?It feels a lot like pain.?