?My father has been simply awesome as a parent. In fact, it is because of him that I am such an independent person today. He gave me the space to learn from my mistakes and gave me the confidence to trust my judgment. I did not miss my mother at all after the initial years. Of course, it would have been better if she was alive. But at the same time, I know I have not missed out on anything because of him.? ? Taneesha Kulshreshta, 23
?My mother passed away in a car accident when I was just 12. I still remember when my mother?s body was brought to the hospital from the accident site. ?Baba, how are we going to manage?? I had yelled out. The words of my father still ring in my ears today: ?Don?t worry. I am here. We will put it together?. And we did.? ? Aritra Roy, 19
It is not just a story of two youngsters who have lived the larger part of their lives without a mother. It is also as much about their fathers who overcame the trauma of losing their partner to take care of their children. But how difficult is it to play the role of a single parent? ?It is quite a task. But if you love your child, playing many roles comes naturally to you. I feel that if you understand your responsibility and consciously carry it out, you will do all it takes to bring up a child,? says Aseem Bhargava, a executive at IPAN, in Delhi.
Adds Aritra?s father, Atanu Roy, a senior executive with UB Group: ?Hurdles are creations of people?s minds. I never faced any problem in looking after Aritra. Whatever isn?t ?normal?, we tend to glorify, or condemn. A single father or a single mother is an option or a consequence. So you mould your lifestyle according to it. And life goes on.?
Indeed you face difficulties along the way. Says Taneesha?s father, Prabhat Kumar, a senior advocate in Agra: ?Bringing up Taneesha was not very difficult as she was a very independent child who liked to try things on her own. She lost her mother when she was only seven. As a single parent, I did face difficulties when I had to travel on work. However, I did have a very good support system in my neighbours who were almost like her second family. ?
Raising kids is never easy. And it?s tougher when both parent and child are trying to come to terms with the death of the central figure in their lives. Reminisces Raghu Kochar, director, corporate communications, Ranbaxy: ?My kid was 13 years old when my wife died in an accident. Over time, the confidence of the child goes down. Boys have a different way of expressing their thoughts and feelings. They go into a shell and refuse to cry and show their feelings. Slowly my son made his computer a friend.?
And then there are questions from absolute strangers and well-meaning friends. Says Roy: ?When someone asks, ?Are you married?? it is difficult to answer yes or no, because you?re both. So you say, ?My wife died six years ago?. They immediately start offering condolences. If your son/daughter is with you, they look at the child with pity. Nobody understands that we are absolutely okay with the situation. Marrying again? I discussed it with my son. But he feels it might be embarrassing for him. So we never talked about it again. Also, there is a nice feeling?a bit of pride actually, that I?m rearing my child alone.?
Agrees Himanshu Manglik, who works for an MNC, ?The most important thing for me is to protect the interests of my son Raghav. His well-being has always been on my mind and is my first priority in life. I never wanted Raghav to face an emotional conflict.?
Providing a stable atmosphere at home is extremely important in such a situation, points out Kochar. ?One has to be very strong from within to handle these emotional upheavels. Pratyush has emerged stronger since then. He says, ?Dad, remember the good times and move on in life?.?
Their family obligations however did not mean that their careers had to take a backseat. Roy even switched to TV journalism a few years back. ?Switching from print journalism to TV journalism should have been a no-no, as it demands more time from you. But I was able to do it and still be there for my child.?
Agrees Samir Parikh, consultant psychiatrist with Max Healthcare, Delhi: ?It is just the mindset of society that believes single fathers or mothers cannot bring up a child properly. The most important thing is to what extent the parent is emotionally attached to the child. Involvement with the child is the most important aspect.?
These single fathers have also managed to hold their own against ?mom-made dinners?, not only satisfying their kids? demand for different varieties of food but also teaching them to cook. Remembers Roy, ?I still have an SMS that I received from my son a year ago. It says, ?I made my first Maggi. Believe me, it?s perfect?. I still feel every child of a single parent becomes to some extent a spoilt child. Because they get too much of love and freedom. The father always thinks the boy is a motherless child?assume it?s the same with a single mother.?
But does the absence of a female figure in the household affect the psyche of a child? Says Bhargava: ?There is always a price to pay, and to a limited extent, Shiv paid it. But a vacuum in my/our lives is not what we think of. What is important is how best to utilise the time, for him and me, and with one another.?
?I don?t think I have been able to compensate for that loss, but to all those who say that fathers love less, I would like to say it?s a myth,? he adds. Dr Parikh seconds that. ?I personally believe there is no problem in bringing up a child single-handedly. Single parents can also be good parents,? he says.