What if raising confident, resilient and successful children didn’t require complicated strategies, strict routines or endless academic pressure? Yes, you read that right. We often think about being strict with kids and making them choose a specific subject can only make them successful, but it is just the opposite. According to Dr Angela Duckworth, the Ivy League psychologist best known for her research on “grit” shares that secret is surprisingly simple. She says help children pursue activities they genuinely enjoy, and encourage steady effort even when things get tough.
Kids thrive when they follow their genuine interests
In a recent conversation on Mel Robbins’ podcast, Dr Duckworth explained that parents often believe success comes from pushing children harder, more classes, more discipline, more achievement. But research continues to show that long-term motivation and resilience grow from genuine interest, not force.
She said that when children are allowed to try different activities, whether it’s sports, dance, painting, coding, or cooking, their natural curiosity guides them. Over time, they gravitate toward things that excite them. Those interests then form the foundation for passion, discipline and grit. “Kids build motivation by exploring what they love, not what we impose,” she said in the podcast.
The ‘hard thing rule’: A simple family habit that builds grit
One of the most practical tools Duckworth recommends, which she uses in her own family, is something she calls the ‘hard thing rule.’
In this approach, every family member, including the parents, chooses one activity that challenges them. It could be a musical instrument, a sport, a language or any skill that requires consistent practice. The key is that children must choose their own ‘hard thing.’ Parents cannot push them into something they don’t like.
The second part of the rule is just as important that children are not allowed to quit on a hard day. They must continue the activity until they reach a natural stopping point, such as the end of a class term or sports season. Duckworth says this habit teaches kids how to stay committed even when things feel uncomfortable or uncertain. “It’s not about being perfect,” she explained. “It’s about learning that perseverance is possible.”
Why failure plays a crucial role
Failure, Duckworth added, is an essential part of this learning. Many parents try to shield their kids from frustration or disappointment, but she believes that allowing children to struggle, while offering emotional support, helps them develop real confidence.
When kids realise they can bounce back from setbacks, they grow stronger, more independent and better prepared for real-life challenges.
Duckworth recommends ‘Wise parenting’
Another major takeaway from Duckworth’s research is what she calls “wise parenting.” This is the balance between being warm and supportive, while also setting high expectations.
Wise parents celebrate their children’s efforts, offer encouragement, and listen with empathy, but they also hold their children accountable for the commitments they make. This combination helps children build discipline, self-belief and emotional stability.
Duckworth’s message is simple and clear which explains that raising strong, successful kids doesn’t come from pressure, strict rules or chasing perfection. Instead, it grows from giving children support, letting them stay curious and helping them stay consistent.
She explains that when parents encourage kids to follow activities they genuinely enjoy and guide them to keep going even when things get hard, children naturally develop grit and confidence. Over time, this steady effort helps them build real skills, handle challenges better and grow into independent, resilient adults.
