I have come to forming this theory that the fear of injections as a child somehow transforms into the fear of facing wine lists in later years. Wine-list-glancing-phobia?I wonder if medical science has a name for it; or even knows about it for that matter.
Well, without mincing words, it exists and I have seen more than traces in the most frequent of imbibers. Wine is like sex, as someone said, in that very few men admit to not knowing much about it. Probably why people order the food with practised perfection and then make their guests vote the wine-to-be-ordered; another twisted application of democracy!
A wine list follows some basic rules, unless of course Picasso was appointed for the job. The wines are listed in the order that they would or should follow alongside the courses of a meal?the sparkling wines come first, then the whites and the ros?s followed by the reds, and finally the dessert wines, both white (Sauternes) and red (Port). Liqueurs (Bailey?s, Grand Marnier) may also be listed, as possibly Cognacs and Armagnacs could find a place as after-dinner drinks, with some Cubans to boot (cigars, just in case).
Wines are also grouped region-wise or country-wise and run in ascending order of price and vintage. However a more recent vintage could be more expensive than an old one; for reasons explained earlier. A good wine list should convey the following: winemaker?s name, wine?s name, region/country of provenance, vintage, price (!) Sometimes the grape name is also included but the practice is highly looked down upon in France. The Old World (France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Portugal) prefers to showcase the name of the region whereas the New World (US, Australia, Chile, etc.) stresses on the grape varietal: More on this later.
To order wine, a good place to start is to go over the food order and decide what style of dishes have been ordered and what type of wine would complement them best. I do hope you recollect last week?s preaching of considering the preparation style more importantly than the ingredients (chicken/ meat/ vegetables). While one normally orders wine to go with food, do be prepared to meet the minority which does the opposite, and respect them. The next thing one needs to know is how deep are ones? pockets. Having sussed that, one should browse around in the range looking at the options available. At this point it is a good idea to ask a steward for recommendations. Even if they aren?t as talented as yours truly (of course they aren?t, pish-tosh if you disagree!), they will still be able to tell you the popular wines which are generally asked for by clients, to accompany the dishes ordered.
Ready yourself to be taken through the regal wine service routine. The server should present the bottle and announce it, ask you to verify the temperature, and then proceed to open the bottle, ideally at the table. He will then offer the cork for sniffing. Not much can be told there, but if the wine has really gone dank, the cork will smell pretty awful. Otherwise you can squeeze the cork and check its elasticity; a ?spongy? cork is a healthy sign, a dry brittle cork indicates either bad quality of cork used by the winemaker, or, in the case of an expensive wine, bad storage conditions. However with the new plastic corks and screw cap bottles, don?t expect any of the above. En suite, a tasting portion is offered. If one feels that the wine is not fine, the best way to indicate the same is something along the lines of ?I think the wine is a little off. What do you think?? Telling a corked wine is not easy, and even the most experienced of tasters can have a tough time. Sometimes a wine may have started coming apart but is still enjoyable. Other times, the bottle is best offered to the drain. Most places will waive off the first bottle. Later on, you may be asked to dine elsewhere for the future.
A safer option is to order the wines by the glass. That way one can switch between a white and a red without having to order two bottles, sitting through the service opera and later, on the horns of dilemma about sending the bottle back. Most outlets serve fairly decent wines by the glass. And when you are out as a couple, trying to dodge traffic after downing a bottle between the two of you of 15% pure alcohol doesn?t make things very exciting! As Shakespeare said of Champagne, (and which I now shamelessly attribute to alcohol) ?It improves desire but ruins performance!?
?The writer is a sommelier