Working professionals often need to manage multiple work-relationships, some pleasant, and some, not-so-pleasant. You spend a major portion of your time interacting with your co-workers, more so with people who you’re working under, that is, your manager or boss. This includes frequent catch up calls, lengthy work-related meetings and discussions to feedback and appraisal related conversations among many others. These relationships come with their own set of challenges. While working with subordinates – it may be difficult to find the balance between being an assertive leader and an empathetic manager.
While working as subordinates, it may be difficult to navigate the challenges that come with working under someone. And it may be even tougher if the boss you are working with is a toxic one, resulting in an unpleasant work environment. Let us take a look at what could be some characteristics of a toxic boss as suggested by Pratyakshaa Tewari, Therapist at The Mood Space.
- They have no respect for your boundaries. They always reach out to you beyond your work hours or cross personal boundaries at work.
- They are very critical of their employees and show little to no appreciation for the work.
- There is no space for employees to speak up and put forward their opinions. They actively discourage employee feedback.
- They play favourites with certain employees. This may be due to gender, sexuality, race, appearance, etc.
- Taking rest and time off is criticised and discouraged by them
- They use threats as a means to get their work done.
- They act differently around their own managers/ supervisors.
- They are unempathetic towards their employees only care about the targets and end result and mistakes are heavily reprimanded.
Working with a toxic boss can take a heavy hit on one’s self esteem. They may often find themselves questioning their self-worth and your competence.
Here are some ways on how to navigate dealing with a nasty boss.
1. Understand your reasons for staying on job:
The usual response you receive whenever you tell someone you have a toxic boss would be “leave your job”. This does seem like a simple solution to a much more complicated problem. There may be multiple reasons, ranging from financial to personal factors that may make it difficult for you to leave your job.
2) Set boundaries:
Whenever we hear the word boundaries, often we go straight to the idea of taking a stand and firmly saying no. While setting boundaries can look like that – it is not all it looks like. If you are working with a toxic boss there may be no space for you to speak up or assertively communicate what you’re okay with and what you’re not. However, you can still define boundaries in your own context. Ask yourself the following questions to understand what kind of boundaries you can set with your toxic boss:
How do I keep my distance from them and only have limited interactions with them?
Can I engage with them only to the extent that it feels comfortable? (For example – communicating via email instead of getting on calls if that medium feels more comfortable)
Can I assertively communicate with them if I am not okay with the way they are communicating with me? If there is no room for me to give them feedback directly, are there other channels I can use for the same? (For example – speaking with the HR)
3) Build a support system in your workplace – “The boat is sinking but at least we are in the same boat!”
Dealing with a toxic boss can especially feel frustrating if we feel isolated and lonely in the situation. Having a support system becomes extremely crucial. It may not be possible to have a big group of people at your workplace that you feel comfortable and understood with, but nonetheless you can work towards building relationships with other coworkers by offering support and asking for help when needed. Work on building authentic and transparent relationships with other coworkers.
4) Do not take it personally
Start by asking yourself ” how true is this?”. Nasty bosses tend to give harsh feedback and it is important to not internalise it. Be mindful of when you start to internalise their harsh feedback – internalising simply means taking the feedback personally. It is when we start thinking “they must be right – they are criticising me so much I must actually be really bad at my work!” When you find yourself getting lost in self criticism and doubt – take a pause and give yourself a reality check. Asking the following questions might help with the same –
Am I really incompetent in my work or do I feel that way because the feedback given was extremely harsh?
Do I really lack the skills and talent to do the work or am I feeling a lot of self doubt and feelings of inadequacy which are making me think that way?
5)Stay professional.
Instead of fighting fire with fire, stay polite when interacting with your boss. There might be instances where you find your boss crossing boundaries. In those moments it is important to remain calm and respond professionally.
6. Self care
An unhealthy work environment can take a toll on one’s mental health and that is where the need for consistent self care comes in. Self care is anything from spending some down time with yourself to reaching out for professional help when you feel the need to – the key is to be kind to yourself and do things to relax, unwind and support yourself,
7. Check your self talk
Working under a toxic boss can lead to a lot of feelings of self doubt and frustration and we may end up questioning ourselves. This can lead to harsh self-talk, which sounds like “I am not good enough” “I am incompetent”. It is important that we keep that in check and speak to ourselves in a kinder tone.
