Trigger warning: Sexual Abuse, Suicide, Bullying
Priya, 23, was in class 4 when she was sexually abused by her cousin. The incident continued to overwhelm her mentally and she felt numb and helpless.
“I was in seventh grade the first time I realised that something was wrong with me. When I was younger and in ninth grade, I used to feel like it was my fault because I wasn’t having a great time in my life. I literally used to cry continuously for two to three hours behind closed doors. Wanted to die, cut off my hands, indulged in some bad habits, and didn’t feel like returning home. Crying all day I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and yes, at that point I realised I was not fine,” Priya told Financial Express.com.
Although she knew she needed help, she couldn’t. “No, I haven’t consulted a psychiatrist or anyone as I have a joint family and I was very young at that time so I couldn’t consult and had a fear that my parents would not be happy,” she revealed.
She also said that she used to feel neglected as there was no one to talk to. “Sadly, my family has no idea what is depression, anxiety. No one helped me. I overcame myself from that situation,” she said. As the situation more difficult, she attempted to kill herself.
“…I used to search on Google how to do this and that, but yes, my inner self always says that now you will not then at the same time I have searched how to overcome this situation,” she told Financial Express.com.
When a child scrapes their knee or falls sick, it is easy to identify and treat. However, identifying and addressing trauma in a child can be much more difficult. Consequently, a child’s trauma can stay with them as they grow older and potentially hamper their lives as adult.
According to a 2020 paper published in Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica journal, there is strong evidence of an association between childhood trauma and later mental illness.
“This association is particularly evident for exposure to bullying, emotional abuse, maltreatment, and parental loss. The evidence suggests that childhood and adolescence are an important time for risk for later mental illness, and an important period in which to focus intervention strategies,” the paper stated.
The unhealed wounds of childhood leave lasting scars that can haunt a person in their adulthood. However, treating childhood trauma and emotional health is a complex challenge. Financial Express.com reached out to three people—Priya, Nimit, and Pragya who talked about the pain and struggles in their childhood, how the turmoil affected their lives, and how they learned to deal with it.
Childhood trauma and Mental Health
Childhood trauma can play a significant role in many psychiatric disorders. According to Dr. Sameer Malhotra, Director and Head – Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Max Super Speciality Hospital, Saket, unresolved childhood trauma can breed psychiatric problems like depression, anxiety, identity disorders, dissociation, obsessive fixation, flashbacks and nightmares, disturbed personality, emotional, behavioral disturbances.
“Trauma can lead to internalizing or externalising behaviours. Internalising behaviours would be associated with depression and anxiety, phobias, low confidence, unexplained bodily aches and pains. Externalising behaviours shall be associated with aggression, low frustration tolerance, conduct problems (like disobedience and impulsive behaviours), and substance misuse,” Dr. Malhotra explained.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN), trauma or a traumatic event is something that is frightening, dangerous or violent and poses a threat to a person’s safety and security. It can be due to violent events or non-violent events or both. In some cases, childhood trauma is not only caused by events that a child directly experiences.
Incidents like a child witnessing a parent being verbally or physically abused, or watching a sibling or friend being assaulted or attacked, can also cause childhood trauma.
“Childhood trauma exerts a profound influence on adult mental health. Extensive research demonstrates that individuals who undergo traumatic events during their formative years, including physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence, are at an increased risk of developing mental health difficulties in adulthood,” Dr. Gorav Gupta, Co-founder of Emoneeds told Financial Express.com.
Dr. Gupta is an eminent psychiatrist with over 24 years of experience. He has been working actively as a consultant and advisor in the areas of mental health and substance abuse for the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare and with NITI Aayog. Moreover, he is an active member of the Central Mental Health Authority and was a panelist who reviewed the Mental Healthcare Act, 2017 enacted by the government.
‘It’s a journey, not a destination’
Nimit is now at a better mental space and after his therapy sessions in 2021. However, things weren’t like this before.
“…it’s life and we feel millions of emotions every day. Processing all of them in a positive way gets overwhelming sometimes. It’s a journey, not a destination,” he told Financial Epxress.com.
Although he is better now, he is experiencing emotions of regret and these emotions make him feel overwhelmed from time to time.
“Currently, I am dealing with the emotion of regret, I regret that if was doing mentally ok in my school and college life, I could have had more friends, happy school life, and also I might have communicated the feelings I had for my childhood crush in a much much better way. Dealing with a heavy emotion like regret gets overwhelming sometimes and it gets difficult for me to get back on track,” he revealed.
As a kid, Nimit always had a difficult in making friends and interacting with people.
“…I got bullied a lot in school, and felt unlovable which was ironic since I was the only son and the most pampered child at home. I changed schools, cities, surroundings friends, and whatnot but ended up feeling the same thing. I always wondered why it was me,” he shared.
In order to forget the pain and the negative emotions, he started following his passion for stand comedy only to feel lonely and neglected again.
In short, wherever I was going, whatever I was doing I felt bullied, criticised, alone, not able to make friends, ignored, abandoned, and disrespected, I felt nobody supporting me, and I felt like a kid whose not getting heard, he said.
“I felt all of this till the age of 25, sometimes I even felt like this is my fate and I have to live with it but I refused to believe in anything without logic and was always curious to find out the answer. My productivity started going down, I felt less ambitious, and my confidence in life was declining, I was procrastinating a lot. It was getting unlivable with all those feelings, Nimit revealed.
At the age of 24, Nimit decided to seek professional help. However, his problems didn’t end here. “I had difficulty finding therapists…they were expensive…it took me two years to find the right therapist, glad that I had that much patience,” he informed.
However, when he found the right therapist, his life changed forever.
“In 2021 July one night I was so irritated and tired from these mental conditions that I booked consultations with four different therapists, and I am grateful that I found an amazing therapist who understood exactly what was happening to me and guided me to process all my unresolved emotions. Within 2 months, it worked out, I felt internally happy for the first time in my life, I was happy for no reason, and I felt loved, belonged, complete, and successful, all at once and without any external reasons. This high was the best high of my life. I refer to my post-therapy version as Nimit 2.0,” he told Financial Express.com.
World has completely changed for me after taking therapy, he added.
He also revealed that we feel millions of emotions every day since childhood but we do not every time knows how to process that emotion, especially in childhood when we even don’t know how to express them. He also shared instances from his childhood that made him feel sad, and abandoned and how it affected his self-worth as an adult.
“…As I was the youngest child in my whole family, I was always treated like a kid for the longest time, A kid who doesn’t have decision-making powers, who cannot stand for himself, can not do something of his own. Again this came along with me even though I was an adult, whenever I was with my friends I felt that they are elder and I am just a kid, which was affecting on my confidence and self-worth. I believe there were minor but multiple incidents that happened in my life and due to my inability to process or express them those negative feelings grew up with me, and I often start feeling them and created my own reality when the truth was far different from that,” he expressed.
Now, he has learned to respect his emotions and deal with them properly.
“My bad days are better than the good days of most people and this makes me feel so grateful for everything I have in my life and my journey,” he told Financial Express.com.
‘Link between childhood trauma and adult mental health is concerning’
According to Dr. Gupta, in India, like many other nations, the link between childhood trauma and adult mental health is a concerning issue, with statistics from UNICEF indicating that 1 in 7 Indians aged 15 to 24 struggles with depression.
“Key challenges encompass limited awareness and pervasive stigma surrounding mental health, hindering help-seeking behaviours. Additionally, inadequate access to mental health services, especially in rural areas, poses a significant obstacle,” he told Financial Express.com.
Cultural norms further discourage open discussions about trauma and mental health. Moreover, the absence of comprehensive trauma-informed care and support systems underscores the need for increased awareness, resources, and advocacy to address the enduring impact of childhood trauma on individuals in India, he said.
He also revealed that childhood trauma can have far-reaching consequences in adulthood, encompassing a wide spectrum of effects.
“Forming and maintaining healthy relationships can prove challenging, and self-esteem and self-worth may suffer. The toll of childhood trauma can extend to physical health as well, potentially contributing to chronic illnesses. Cognitive and emotional functioning may also be impaired. However, it’s important to recognise that the impact of childhood trauma varies from person to person, and early intervention and support services can play a pivotal role in mitigating these potentially detrimental consequences,” he pointed out.
He also emphasised that parents, schools, and guardians hold instrumental roles in the well-being of children who may have experienced trauma.
“Fostering an atmosphere of attentiveness and open communication is paramount, creating a non-judgmental space where children can freely express their feelings and concerns. Equally important is educating themselves about the signs of childhood trauma and recognizing potential mental health issues. Encouraging healthy coping mechanisms, whether through artistic expression, sports, or mindfulness practices, can significantly support a child’s healing journey,” he pointed out.
In the event of trauma disclosures, it is imperative to respond thoughtfully, understanding the gravity of the situation, and promptly reaching out for professional support as needed, he said.
“Additionally, advocating for increased mental health awareness and resources within communities and schools can contribute to a more supportive environment for children who have experienced trauma,” he added.
‘It Comes and Goes’
Pragya, 24, struggles to manage anxiety when thing gets overwhelming. With various never-ending work-life obligations it is hard for her to find the time for things that can help to ease a lot of those mental health struggles.
“Sometimes certain periods or incidents in life can trigger a series of depressive episodes or anxiety that can be hard to manage. A lot of these incidents for me are related to my professional life now. But the first time I had struggled was at the time of my 12th Board exams. The pressure from my family was very overwhelming, which led me towards clinical depression within a few months,” she told Financial Express.com.
When things got really difficult owing to exam stress and family pressure to perform better, she decided to get professional help. She was diagnosed with clinical depression.
“…Medication helped me regulate my depressive episodes, and therapy still helps me to make sure that I am staying on track and my mental health is not going for a toss. Even when things aren’t that heavy, getting a professional to advise you on the most basic things in life can make things a lot easier often,” she revealed.
She also told Financial Express.com that she had to struggle a lot initially as finding the right diagnosis, the right therapist, and the right medication was very tricky.
“A few times the wrong choices made things worse for a brief period. The other issue I have faced in the past is inaccessibility of therapy in India. Given that the issue is still very hush-hush, finding a good therapist can be a bit tough, and might I add, expensive as well,” she added.
Although she has learned to understand her mental health, her family still struggles to understand this aspect of overall-wellbeing.
“They acknowledge that I am going through something and that is it. Whereas my friends have been very understanding on that front. They listen to me, try to advise me on my struggles, and push me to go to therapy when they think I am not doing well. I think a lot of times people need to ask their loved ones who are already struggling what kind of support they need. Unsolicited advice can make people feel worse often,” she pointed out.
She also revealed that although she did have suicidal tendencies in the past she never acted on them.
“I have good days, bad days, and really bad days. But again exercise, therapy, talking to my friends makes me stay sane and makes me do a lot better…a combination of therapy, exercise, and talking to my friends is my self-care routine for taking care of my mental health. I am also actively working towards changing my job, which was a major reason for the decline in my mental health,” she added.
How to help?
Dr. Gupta maintains that providing support to individuals who have experienced childhood trauma requires a comprehensive approach.
“Psychotherapy or counseling plays a crucial role in assisting them in confronting the trauma and its enduring repercussions by offering a secure environment to navigate and process their experiences. Engaging in support groups can also prove advantageous, facilitating connections with individuals who have undergone similar experiences and enabling the exchange of coping strategies,” he told Financial Express.com.
In instances where related mental health conditions emerge, medication may be recommended to effectively manage symptoms, he said.
“Beyond clinical interventions, creating a nurturing and secure environment within both the home and the broader community is essential. Encouraging self-care practices like mindfulness and stress management can aid in building resilience. Notably, seeking assistance from mental health professionals and leveraging support networks constitute vital steps in the healing journey for those who have endured childhood trauma,” he emphasised.
According to Dr. Malhotra, it is important to keep the following things in mind:
- Ensure safety and security
- Empathic approach
- Try to rebuild self-esteem through skill learning and healthy coping strategies; encourage creative healthy channelisation of energy
- Avoid self-victimisation
- Try positive affirmations
- Try to help redefine the meaning and healthy purpose of life
- In case of persistent low mood/ irritability or significant sleep or behavioural disturbances: seek timely professional help
Advice for guardians/teachers/parents:
- Try to be observant of any change in emotional expression, priorities and behaviour
- Try to understand the underlying reasons for the child’s behaviour or emotional changes
- Be empathic and patient
- Help the child to build healthy coping, constructive hobbies, self-esteem and healthy lifestyle and a healthy meaning to life
DISCLAIMER: If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or in distress contact the Vandrevala Foundation’s helpline (+91-9999666555) which is available in 11 languages including English and can be accessed via telephone or WhatsApp 24×7. You can also contact Fortis Hospital’s National Helpline number 91-8376804102 which is available 24×7. You can also contact the Government Mental Health Rehabilitation Helpline ‘KIRAN’ at 18005990019 which is available 24×7.
