In her first interview in nine years, the pop icon, Madonna opened up about one of the darkest periods in her life, where she once contemplated suicide during a tough custody battle with her ex-husband Guy Ritchie over their son, Rocco.
Appearing on ‘On Purpose with Jay Shetty’, the 64-year-old the pop icon said, “There were moments in my life I wanted to cut my arms off… I actually contemplated suicide.”
The Queen of Pop explained that, amid the heartache of her marriage to Ritchie falling apart, the agony of a custody dispute over her son was unbearable.
“I would say probably one of the most painful moments in my life where I honestly couldn’t see the forest for the trees was when I went through a custody battle over my son,” she said, fighting back tears.
Madonna continued, “Even though my marriage didn’t work out, I mean, a lot of people’s marriages don’t work out. They marry the wrong people. They’re not aligned. They’re not meant for each other. But someone trying to take my child away from me was like, they might as well just kill me. That’s really how I was thinking.”
Custody battle for son
In 2016, Madonna was on her ‘Rebel Heart’ tour. She described the emotional toll it took to perform while simultaneously dealing with personal devastation.
“I had to go on stage every night… I really thought it was like the end of the world,” she revealed. “I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take it.”
She recalled the painful moments spent behind the scenes, saying, “I was lying on the floor of my dressing room sobbing.”
“I’d be lying on the floor in my dressing room, and then I had to go out there and perform,” she shared. “It was surreal. I would just cry. But the lights would go on, and you just have to go out there and do it.”
‘Thank god I had a spiritual life’
Madonna credits her spiritual life for helping her through these darkest days. “Thank God I had a spiritual life,” she said, speaking of how her faith gave her the strength to keep going.
Over the years, Madonna has spoken about how important spirituality is to her, especially during times of personal crisis.
Her relationship with Rocco, now an adult, has since healed, and Madonna shared that they are “really good friends” today. The legal battle over Rocco’s custody was a highly publicised and emotional one.
After months of legal drama, a New York judge ordered Rocco to return to Madonna in 2016, but the teenager chose to stay with his father in London.
By September 2016, the case was settled, and Madonna agreed to let Rocco live with his father, ending a tumultuous chapter in her life.
“It’s settled, and everyone agrees that Rocco’s needs changed, and he’s going to be living with dad,” confirmed Ritchie’s attorney, Peter Bronstein, at the time.