A Singapore-based banker made waves on social media on Sunday after urging non-resident Indians to return home or arrange a caretaker for their parents. The post — which also singled out ‘Tambrahms’ — reiterated that elderly family members “begin to deteriorate” as they cross 75 years of age and may need additional support.
“Stop at some logical point and get back here to India. If not, arrange a caretaker for your parents who live alone in India. In case they don’t agree, accommodate them in an elder care facility. Visit them at least once in two years. When your parents turn 75 they begin to deteriorate. 80+ aged parents are so frail that they can’t do anything on their own. I interact with many such NRI parents on a daily basis and am writing from what I see,” Amaruvi Devanathan wrote on X.
The post has since sparked extensive discussion about familial expectations and the myriad reasons why people move abroad or return to India. Several users insisted that parents were also somewhat responsible for such a situation — refusing to move in order to be near their children when possible. Others noted that many Indian parents had pushed their children to immigrate to foreign countries for better opportunities even when they were reluctant.
“Especially true. However a lot of blame falls on the parents too. They refused to move to be with their children when they could. Absolute stubbornness, short-sightedness and selfishness. Now when they get very old, frail and most of them suffer from dementia, they expect their children to give up everything and move back to take care of them. I know of so many such instances. 90% of the cases I know of are of this situation where the parents refused to move when they could,” wrote one X user.
“We’re prisoners of our successes. Parents desire the success of their children and when children excel academically, and land up abroad for better education and job prospects, the success becomes a curse. It divides families and separates parents from children. Most of the time, no one is at fault but circumstances!” added another.