Mother: ?How was your Maths test??
10-year-old: ?Hmmm?
Mother: ?How was your Maths test??
10-year-old: ?Whaaa??
Mother: ?How was your MATHS TEST?!?
10-year-old: ?Oh, okay.?
Familiar conversation pattern?The start of a bumpy ride?There might be fireworks ?And, a scramble for the television remote?But if you are a smart parent, you could wriggle out of this little face-off. It?s the attitude that makes all the difference. And finding something to do that is as attractive, if not more attractive, than gazing at the TV screen.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), children older than two years of age should watch no more than one to two hours of quality TV programming. And, children under age two should have no ?screen time? (which includes TV, DVDs, computers, or video games) at all. Now these are guidelines that are more often than not overstepped. But let?s be realistic say most experts on the subject here in India. Perhaps for one day TV viewing could be a little more than the two hours that is recommended. Let?s face it, your nine-year-old son needs to have the privilege to exclaim: ?Mom, isn?t Jackie Chan awesome?? Once in a while ? as long as he is completing his homework everyday, making the grade in school, and getting his quota of physical exercise. Setting realistic limits to TV viewing is what counts. Nandini Dias, COO, Lodestar Media (a media planning firm), and a mother of two says: ?Considering the kid is awake at home for barely four hours (on a week day, after school), two hours of being in front of the TV is 50% of that time. But in reality, on an average kids four to12 years of age spend 17 hours 24 minutes watching TV per week.?
?Desensitisation?, ?obesity?, ?disinhibition? and ?distraction? are words that fly thick and fast when it comes to discussing the excesses of TV watching. But there is a cheerful side to this feeling of going over the edge too. It is believed that children who watch a lot of TV are often much more aware of things compared to their peers. Also, since most children tend to hero worship, the medium can be used to make a Tendulkar, a Dhoni or a Hritik Roshan mouth socially beneficial messages which go down well with that last gulp of the mandatory cup of milk in the evening.
What is important is parental supervision while children watch TV. As Asha Singh, reader, Department of Child Studies, Lady Irwin College, New Delhi and consultant with the popular TV serial Gali Gali Sim Sim says: ?TV viewing habits have to be regulated from childhood. Children need guidance. And consistency is important in whatever rules you set.? So if one hour is allocated to TV on any given day, that?s how it should be. It shouldn?t be extended indefinitely, just because Mummy wants to entertain her friends and she wants to get the children out of her hair. It?s important that parents too follow the rules. As Singh says: ?Watchful regulation and watchful freedom? are the keys to balanced TV entertainment.
But parental supervision at all times is a tall order in these times of double-income homes. There are parents who shut down the cable connection of the house the whole day, only to bring it alive when they are back home. This unfortunately works as the proverbial forbidden fruit, and somewhere trust takes a beating. Willy-nilly, this makes the child a ?social misfit, because he is unable to discuss a popular TV programme with his classmates in school,? says Samir
Parekh, consultant psychiatrist, MaxHealthcare,
New Delhi.
The flip side to this, however, is that care needs to be taken that TV doesn?t substitute for family, friends and extra-curricular activities. If there is an overdose, then ?TV?s one-way communication becomes preferable to forging friendships with peers, which can comparatively be more emotionally demanding. This can then lead to developmental problems,? says Geetika Kapoor, a school psychologist in Delhi. And use positive reinforcement which initially functions as a bribe, but slowly becomes a habit, she advices. For instance, ?If you finish your homework by 5.30 pm, you can watch your favourite, Hannah Montana.? And for those with children in their teens, Kapoor thinks it?s a good strategy to knock off the voice of authority, which might otherwise lead to rebellion. Take their word when you?ve set mutually acceptable goals for TV time.
Putting the ball in the child?s court might also be a good way of working round the TV watching showdowns. Let the child decide, while you set some parameters too. Deepak Bagla, director, 3i (a UK-based private equity fund), says: ?I tell my two boys, aged 10 and 12, you can watch as much TV as you want as long as you get your homework done, go for your soccer practice ? about which they are crazy ? and sleep at a specific time. So they do watch TV and fit everything else around it.? Bagla in fact encourages them to watch some amount of TV as it helps them ?learn to analyse circumstances that may otherwise not be thrown at them in real life.?
Fine-tuning this further, P N Vasanthi, director, Centre for Media Studies and a mother of a nine-year-old says: ?Discriminatory viewership needs to be cultivated, where the child has to choose the programmes he/she wants to watch. And, then learn to stick with them. Similarly, parents need to choose the shows they want to watch and set boundaries accordingly.?
TV shouldn?t be the sole source of entertainment for parents either. They have to set the benchmarks after all. It?s important to be patient and answer the child?s questions too. And if the child is left in the care of the household help, then he/she should also be included in the disciplining, as a third parent. But there truly isn?t much room for absentee parenting.