For many Indians who move abroad, especially to the United States, migration is more than a career decision—it is a lifelong emotional dilemma. Somewhere between ambition and belonging, a question lingers: was leaving home the right choice?

New Zealand-based journalist Rakesh Krishnan Simha recently captured this personal conflict in a post on X, putting into words what countless NRIs struggle to articulate.

The journey begins with clear goals that is better education, stronger career prospects, and financial stability. As Simha writes, “We come to the USA with monetary and career goals. This process takes a minimum of 4-5 years, including completing a degree, OPT, securing a stable job, etc.”

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But what starts as a structured plan then turns into a prolonged struggle for stability. From dealing with visa systems to waiting endlessly for green cards, the early years are defined by uncertainty. Life moves forward people marry, build families, and settle into routines. However a sense of being in transition never disappears.

The cost of distance

While careers grow, life back home continues without pause. Parents age, families gather, and milestones pass, often without those who left. Simha writes about this loss saying, “Meanwhile, our parents in India keep getting older. Cousins get married at inconvenient times… Grandparents pass away when we have H-1B stamping issues and can’t travel.”

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The absence is not always dramatic, but it accumulates over time. Relationships begin to loosen. Children grow up oceans away from their extended families, knowing relatives only through occasional visits or video calls.

Building a life and losing a sense of belonging

Over the years, migrants create a life that looks complete from the outside, homes, careers, social circles. Simha points out that even these networks can feel fragile or transactional.

At home, family once formed the core of emotional support. Abroad, that circle often shrinks to just a spouse, sometimes leaving both partners isolated. Cultural questions also begin to surface, especially while raising children in a different society, adding another layer of uncertainty about identity and belonging.

Perhaps the most unsettling realisation comes much later. Returning to India no longer feels like returning home. Everything has changed the people, the places, even one’s own sense of self. And the adopted country never fully replaces what was left behind.

“You go to India and find that you don’t belong there… You come back and slip into your known world, keeping on working, never knowing the answer to the question: ‘Am I better off here or should I have stayed back home?,” Simha writes.

It is a question without a clear answer one that stays always present, shaping the lives of many who chose to leave, and perhaps, in some ways, never fully arrived anywhere.