Confessions of a woman: Here’s what we are looking for on dating apps and NO, it’s not SEX

Here’s why women end up getting disappointed on dating apps. Men, please take a note:

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Recently, Bumble informed me that I have ‘A Bee In The Hive’ and more than 8,000 likes. However, these massive numbers of likes are not reflecting the reality as I only swipe a fraction of those and when it comes to meeting those matches, very few were able to make it to the first date, three to be precise in almost four years. Second round? That happened just once. And the experience was terrible.

Oh, it’s too early to start the conversation around dates, let’s first look at my dating history. After a bad breakup four and a half years ago, I decided to join all the dating apps. I didn’t have the courage to meet any of the men and go through the same heartbreak ever again. But, let me admit, just chatting with random men, who made me feel like a princess, helped me to regain my confidence. I felt wanted. It takes a lot for me to swipe right – I check grammar before pictures (Sigh! The journalist in me).

If I could make a reel of all the conversations, I’ve had in these years with men on dating apps, playing the 59 seconds reel on a loop will reflect my entire history. The conversations begin with “Hi, how are you?” and end with “Oh, wow you interview actors…” It’s a major turn-off when people don’t respect their work and feel the grass is greener on the other side.

So, since I cannot describe the story of my serial first date as a screenplay, I will request you to imagine it as vividly as possible. Think of an independent, confident, successful, single 30-year-old girl. Now imagine, she is ready to go on a quest to find a perfect man and is willing to take part in the swipe-a-thon. And she finds a LOYAL gentleman.


No, that’s not bad Wi-Fi but an indication to get out of the la-la land fantasy and focus on reality. Your dream of finding a Jason Momoa-like man will NEVER EVER come true. Here’s how it works – after finding useless and bad matches, you’ll feel “All good men are taken” and you’ll decide to settle for any ‘decent’ guy – A human being you can go back to after a hectic day at work. The irony is even if you think you’ve found a good guy, that person will turn out to be a complete jerk. 

What turns me off even more – is the fact that men don’t put a proper picture. Is a decent pic too much to ask for? People would expect men in their 30s to be able to put up a decent profile picture. After left swiping countless group photographs (Didn’t want to play the guess who game), images of God, and travel pictures — you tend to make a pit stop when you see a real man.

I hate it when men are trying to show off – especially by adding images with Vegas showgirls. I mean, that is not something you should be boasting about unless you are looking for sugar babies. Oh, there are endless gym selfies. Why?

Will I ever find a real man on a dating app?

Then, all of a sudden, there is a profile that catches your attention. But wait, there’s no bio to go with it. Why don’t men feel it’s important to introduce themselves?

After swiping through all those bios, you finally find one profile with a decent description.

Congratulations! It’s a match!

He is a good guy, you feel. Everything is perfect. But it stays only until he gets into your pants. He’ll portray to be the one you are looking for – like-minded, willing to put in effort, loyal, and whatnot. But their reality comes out when you get vulnerable and available. No, the two are not the same – these men wait for you to get emotionally attached and then they break the news to you – “I am another fuck boy playing pretend.”

When a man asks directly if I want to hook up even before meeting me, I wonder why they don’t go to an escort who will guarantee sex after dinner. I fail to understand why men don’t get that for most women sex is easily available – it’s merely a text away. Women don’t just need sex.

My point is, if all they need is sex – then why are they looking for a smart, fun-loving, confident woman? Women like me are looking for someone who is witty and cool to hang out with and not someone who can fill up the hole in their life – both literally and figuratively.

Dear men, please understand that most women on dating apps are not looking for sex. You don’t have to win over their emotional side to eventually screw them physically and also emotionally.

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First published on: 29-10-2022 at 14:31 IST
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