In today’s world, it’s not uncommon to find yourself on a dating app for one reason or another. Whether you’re looking for a life partner, a casual date, or just someone to grab coffee with, the digital world has become the new town square for romance. With nearly half of Americans now calling dating apps the most popular spot to meet a match, according to a recent Forbes Health survey, the popularity of digital matchmaking doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
But with a seemingly endless pool of potential partners at your fingertips, a serious question arises: at what point is it too much?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or completely burnt out from swiping, you’re not alone. A Forbes Health/OnePoll survey revealing trends around dating apps shows that the constant cycle of swiping is leading to massive fatigue. Let’s take a deep dive into how people are using these apps, why it’s making them so tired, and what we can do to make the experience more human again.
How are people actually using these apps?
To understand why everyone is so tired, we first have to look at how we’re spending our time online. Dating apps have turned into a daily habit for millions. When asked which apps they had used in the past year, almost half of the people surveyed (49 per cent) pointed to Tinder. It remains the giant in the room, followed by Plenty of Fish (38 per cent) and Bumble (29 per cent).
The list continues down into more niche territory, with apps like eharmony (21 per cent), Hinge (17 per cent), and Christian Mingle (15 per cent) playing smaller but significant roles. Even apps like Grindr, HER, and Coffee Meets Bagel see steady use. With so many options, most people aren’t just on one app; they are juggling two or three at once, which immediately multiplies the amount of work involved.
And what are all these people looking for? There’s a common myth that apps are only for ‘hookups,’ but the data tells a different story. Nearly half of the people on these apps are actually looking for a long-term connection. Interestingly, Gen Z is leading the pack here as 52 per cent of them are looking for ‘the one.’ Millennials aren’t far behind at 49 per cent, and even 47 per cent of Baby Boomers are still holding out for a serious relationship.
However, the ‘casual’ crowd is still very much there. About 20 per cent of users prefer casual dates with one person, while 12 per cent want to keep things open with multiple partners. This mix of intentions is where the trouble often starts. When you want a wedding and your match wants a weekend fling, the emotional disconnect can be draining.
How much time are people spending on dating apps everyday?
On average, people are spending about 51 minutes every single day on dating apps. Women tend to spend a little more time (52 minutes) than men (49 minutes). While an hour might not sound like much in the context of a whole day, think about it as a cumulative total. That’s seven hours a week, basically a full work day spent judging photos and sending ‘hey’ messages.
Experts like Dr. Rufus Tony Spann suggest that this time isn’t always spent “productively.” Many people fall into the trap of “habit swiping.” They use the apps as a way to kill time when they’re bored, as a distraction from their problems, or just to get a quick ego boost from a match.
The advice from pros is simple: limit yourself. Dr. Spann recommends spending no more than 30 minutes at a time on an app. If you’re spending more than that, you aren’t really looking for a partner anymore; you’re just scrolling.
The problem with ‘digital dishonesty’
One of the biggest energy-drainers in online dating is the lack of truth. It’s hard to get excited about a date when you constantly feel like you’re being sold a fake version of a person. The survey found that one in five adults (21 per cent) admits to lying about their age. Men are slightly more likely to do this than women, but both genders do it.
People also lie about:
- Income (14 per cent)
- Hobbies and Interests (14 per cent)
- Employment and Dating History (13 per cent)
- Height (12 per cent)
While these might seem like ‘little white lies,’ they have a huge impact on our mental health. When you finally meet someone in person and they look ten years older or four inches shorter than their profile, it’s not just a disappointment, it’s a breach of trust. Dr. Judy Ho explains that this leads to losing faith in the entire process. You stop wanting to invest emotionally because you’re afraid of getting ‘burned’ again. Over time, this makes everyone more cynical and less likely to be their true selves.
The reality of burnout
The most shocking statistic from the survey is that 78 per cent of users feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by dating apps. This isn’t just a minor annoyance; it’s a widespread feeling of being ‘done.’
Younger generations feel this the most. About 80 per cent of Millennials and 79 per cent of Gen Z report burnout. This might be because they’ve never known a world without digital communication, so the ‘noise’ of the apps never really stops.
Women feel more burnt out than men. Dr. Spann suggests this is because women often try to lead with an emotional connection. Trying to build a real bond with a stranger through a screen, only to have it fall apart, is much more exhausting than a purely physical interaction. It takes more out of you to heal and move on from an emotional letdown.
What’s causing all this fatigue?
If we look at the ‘why,’ the reasons for burnout are very clear. The top reason (40 per cent) is simply the inability to find a good connection. After weeks of swiping, the silence or the bad dates start to weigh on you.
Several other issues contribute to this sense of exhaustion, with ghosting being the most common as 41 per cent of users report having a match suddenly vanish without a word. General disappointment affects 35 per cent of people who realize their dates aren’t who they claimed to be, while 27 per cent struggle with the sting of being rejected or unmatched by strangers. Further, 24 per cent of users are simply tired of the repetitive ‘small talk,’ feeling as though explaining their career and hobbies for the hundredth time has turned dating into a never-ending job interview.
Then there are the more toxic behaviours. About 38 per cent of people have been ‘catfished’ (meeting someone who was using fake photos). Others deal with ‘love bombing’ (too much affection too fast) or ‘gaslighting.’ These experiences don’t just make you tired of the app; they can actually cause real psychological harm.
How to make dating human again
If you’re feeling the weight of the ‘swipe life,’ you don’t necessarily have to delete everything and move to a cabin in the woods. But you do need to set some boundaries to protect your peace. Here is how the experts suggest managing the fatigue:
1. Be intentional: Don’t swipe when you’re bored or tired. When you look at a profile, really look at it. Ask yourself how it makes you feel. If you’re just mindlessly moving your thumb, you’re going to burn out. Treat each profile like a real person, and you might find that you make better choices.
2. Set strict Boundaries: Dating apps should not be a “second job.” Set a specific time of day to check your messages, maybe 20 minutes after dinner. Avoid checking them first thing in the morning or right before bed. If you’re swiping out of habit or obligation, it’s time to put the phone down.
3. Take real Breaks: If you feel numb, resentful, or angry at the apps, delete them for a week. Or a month. Reconnect with your real-life friends, your hobbies, and the things that make you happy. The apps will still be there when you get back, and you’ll have much more energy to give.
4. Know your ‘Why’: Why are you on the app in the first place? If you want a serious partner, be upfront about it. Don’t waste your time on people who state they ‘don’t know what they want.’ Being clear about your goals helps you filter out the noise and saves you from a lot of unnecessary ‘repetitive conversations.’
