Simply app-surd!

By: | Updated: November 15, 2015 12:28 AM

It seems there is an app for everything under the sun these days. They might help you in various ways, even helping you sleep. But things can get out of hand if you have apps that detect ghosts or encourage you to lick your screen or throw your phone high in the air or pop pimples. Read on to scale the heights of absurdity in the app world...

THERE IS no denying the fact that mobile apps—those nifty little software applications, now an inseparable part of every smartphone, tablet and computer worth its name—have changed the way we go about our daily lives. From allowing us to interact with companies we do business with to providing games to pass time with, these applications seem to be the answer for almost everything under the sun these days.

While most of them are useful, plenty of them are, in fact, not—in any shape or form. Some, as the following list will tell you, can also be labelled plain crazy…

Yo
Installs: Up to 50,00,000
Offered by: Life Before Us

All this app does is send the word ‘Yo’ to another user of the app, somewhat similar to Facebook ‘pokes’. Thinking of someone? Say ‘Yo’. Coffee? ‘Yo’. Want to tell someone when Chelsea scores a goal? No prizes for guessing, simply ‘Yo’ it. Add to this the fact that it got funding in millions of dollars since it swept the Internet last year (even its founder, Moshe Hogeg, admitted the concept was ‘stupid’) and you wonder if tech lovers of the world have actually lost it. But yo, it isn’t that simple!

iBeer Free
Installs: Up to 5,00,00,000
Offered by: HOTTRIX

This app has been there for quite some time. It came out in 2007 around the beginning of the app era. But just because it’s an ‘industry veteran’ doesn’t preclude it from offering something as juvenile as drinking fake beer (tilting your phone like a glass causes the liquid to ‘pour out’) complete with a free burp at the end. It also offers free ‘lifetime refills’ to keep you occupied forever. Dumb? Sure. Pointless? Of course. But amusing? At best, it can keep a toddler occupied for a few ‘drinking sessions’. In case you’re tired of beer, you can download similar apps that let you sip water, champagne, milk and cola. Burp!

Ghost Hunting Tools (Detector)
Installs: Up to 1,00,000
Offered by: Weasel

Even if you believe in ghosts, it’d be preposterous to say this app can ‘detect and hunt’ ghosts and spirits with some ‘easy-to-use’ tools like electromagnetic field (EMF) meters, electronic voice phenomenon (EVP) detection and word interpretation. Never knew that your smartphone had the technology to detect and record ghosts when it left the factory? All you had to do was just download the right software to activate it. Scary, isn’t it?

Fake Call
Installs: Up to 1,00,00,000
Offered by: ABISHKKING

The most professional fake caller ID application in the Android market, screams its developer. Indeed, it will take a thorough professional to get themselves out of awkward situations, boring meetings or annoying conversations with a fake incoming call on their  phone. But to successfully pull it off, you need to know in advance what time you’ll want to escape and schedule the fake call beforehand. Also, remember not to use a picture of Barack Obama or Angelina Jolie in the ‘caller’ profile, especially if you want to avoid uncomfortable questions.

Pointless Button
Installs: Up to 50,000
Offered by: William Liddy

There can’t be anything more pointless than this Pointless Button app. Got the point? In case you didn’t, Pointless Button is simply an onscreen button that you push. After a certain number of taps, you unlock various things such as a picture of a cat, etc. After a while you start to wonder what else will pop up on screen if you just keep pushing that button.

Fake Battery
Installs: Up to 1,00,000
Offered by: Daystrom

What exactly is this? Why, in the name of the good lord, would you want an app that simply shows a fake screen image with the battery at a low level? As per the developer, the app can be used as a legitimate excuse not to lend your phone to someone. It says it will pop a ‘low battery warning’ on the screen once triggered, so all you need after that is the ability to feign shock and disappointment over not being able to let your pal use your phone. Seriously? Now, rather than making a fool out of your friends and wasting time (or battery) with this app, go and do something useful, like buying a power bank.

I Am Rich
Installs: Up to 50,000
Offered by: Pin Ux

When this app was put up on Apple’s App Store, its only functionality was to display a red gem onscreen (not even as a wallpaper), making sure everyone around you knew you were loaded (and weird). Eight users actually paid $1,000 each for the app before Apple decided to ban it. Now available on Google Play from various developers—some of whom claim this is not a copy of the iOS app—the gameplay remains the same: showing off how rich you are. It may have become free to download, but when it comes to absurdity, it’s still priceless.

Lick the Icicle
Installs: Up to 5,000
Offered by: Nagy Ferenc László

Even the developer says it’s a stupid app and you couldn’t agree less. It displays an icicle and encourages you to lick your smartphone screen. The idea is to lick (touch the smartphone screen) till the end of the icicle melts. Now, this might be a good idea to keep your phone or tablet clean, but by suggesting your tongue will freeze if you don’t move it or lick the icicle for too long (it even has a timer to ensure that), the developer just might be having a little giggle at your expense.

S.M.T.H.
Installs: Up to 5,00,000
Offered by: Carrot Pop

The big disclaimer says, ‘Don’t play if you are a sissy’. S.M.T.H., or Send Me To Heaven, challenges players to throw their phone up in the air as high as possible with the phone’s sensors keeping score of how high it’s been thrown. Well, even if you are courageous enough to do it, do we still need to tell you why this is a terrible idea? But in case you think otherwise, the phone registers the height of the phone’s flight path and uploads results to the leader boards. There are daily, weekly, local and global ‘top 10’ lists available to keep track of your ‘achievements’.

LookFor
Installs: Up to 500
Offered by: Retroproof Media

This app bills itself as ‘the world’s dumbest app’. Really? Well, you decide. LookFor is designed to help you find friends (and be found) in large crowds, concerts, among others. You simply have to select a colour, hold your phone over your head and let the blinking light direct your friends to your location. If you are buying the idea already, be ready to also pay a price for it. The app is currently selling for R61.40 on Google Play.

Hodor Keyboard
Installs: Up to 5,000
Offered by: RichieApps

Be like Hodor, the gentle giant of the Game of Thrones series, who only says one word: “Hodor”. Now, you, too, can wax eloquent like Hodor with the Hodor Keyboard, a one-button Android keyboard app that lets you go ‘Hodor’ to your heart’s content. Did I hear you say ‘Hodor’?

How Tall Lite—
Measure Height
Installs: Up to 50,000
Offered by: RawLaro Studio

Going by its name, you may get pretty excited at having gotten the power to measure a person’s height at a glance. Yes, this app can actually do it, but there’s a catch: you will have to drop your phone vertically on the floor after holding it at the head height of the person you want to measure. Reminds you of the S.M.T.H. app, right? Only, with this app, you don’t throw your phone up in the air, rather you drop it. The developers recommend you drop your phone on a soft area, as the ‘sound’ may scare others. So thoughtful.

Pimple Popper
Installs: Up to 5,00,00,000
Offered by: Room Candy Games

Yes, you read it right. With this app, all you do is pop some really nasty, juicy whiteheads. The ‘classic mode’ includes 12 faces to pop. Blackheads, whiteheads, full-blown pimples, crusty scabs—you have to peel them all off. Some people may find picking a zit weirdly satisfying, but to do it on a smartphone? We really don’t need to spell out how lame it is. This is nothing, but an unfortunate attempt at pre-teen humour.

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