I’ve just finished watching a film about, um, what exactly was it about? And that’s not the only question I have about Roy, which remains a mystery wrapped in an enigma till the end, for all the wrong reasons.
A snail would be faster than the pace at which we are introduced to the characters. Namely, one number masked thief (Kapoor, in an extended cameo), who has a thing for expensive art. A filmmaker (Rampal) with a roving eye and a bad case of block-itis, who bashes away at his typewriter: no, he’s not so poor he can’t afford a laptop — there are many apple-shaped gadgets strewn about — it’s just, you know, so retro-cool to bash away at actual keys. Another filmmaker (Fernandez) who possesses the most eye-catching set of rings, and who is to be seen reading deeply when not frolicking on the beach.
With me, so far? Good, because this is where it starts getting murky. There turns up a Fernandez look-alike, this one being deeply scarlet-lipped, as opposed to the pastel shades of the first one. A painting is stolen. A bunch of people show up, say stuff and leave: Rajit Kapoor as an unintentionally hilarious detective, Kher as the eternal paternal figure, Patel as the only one struggling to keep a straight face. And we wait and wait for something to happen.
Nothing does. The good-looking actors loll about in good-looking locations (mostly in Malaysia, and we aren’t surprised when the leading lady bestows fulsome praise upon the country, which will presumably lead to much tourist traffic) and talk, talk, talk in sombre tones. Verily, it is a gabfest, and you want to applaud — finally, a movie in which people, you know, talk, but you realise soon enough that all that chatter is empty.
So here are my questions. Who wrote this? Who is it for? The mystery and the enigma, which are set up lazily and obviously, never really take root. I haven’t seen something as fuzzy and dreary as Roy in a long time: just what is Ranbir Kapoor doing in a movie like this?