Acclaimed actor Irrfan Khan, who in March this year, had revealed that he was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumour has opened about his battle with the disease in a heartfelt note to Times of India. He penned a sombre note describing the uncertainty of life. Irrfan talked about the shock of being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer turned and how it turned into a series of realisations. ‘Rare cancer’ which he describes as a “new name in his vocabulary” is a lesser known and studied disease which makes his treatment more unpredictable — more like a trial and error game.
Irrfan who is known as one of the best actors of his times also talked about his spectacular professional streak in films, him running behind all his aspirations and dreams and the sudden jolt that came was like a ticket checker in a fast running train. “Suddenly someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see. It’s the TC: “Your destination is about to come. Please get down.” I am confused: “No, no. My destination hasn’t come.” “No, this is it. This is how it is sometimes.”,” he said.
The actor added that the recent turn of events made him realise that human life is nothing but a cork floating in the sea trying to battle the unpredictable currents and desperately attempting to get hold of them. He talked about what actually turned his fear and pain into his strength and power. His hospital which is just opposite to the Mecca of cricket, The Lords inspired him. Irrfan who used to play cricket when he was young analysed the significance of his hospital in front of his childhood dream.
He talked about all the cosmic powers at play and the probable meaning the universe is trying to convey him. “I was left with this immense effect of the enormous power and intelligence of the cosmos. The peculiarity of MY hospital’s location – it HIT me. The only thing certain was the uncertainty. All I could do was to realise my strength and play my game better,” the actor said.
The true freedom that he has discovered now after knowing that tomorrow is an uncertainty and the future plans that he made were futile in front of the plans the cosmos made. “For the first time, I felt what ‘freedom’ truly means. It felt like an accomplishment. As if I was tasting life for the first time, the magical side of it. My confidence in the intelligence of the cosmos became absolute. I feel as if it has entered every cell of mine.”
He also thanked his fans and well-wishers across the world and called their prayers the force that is helping him fight his battle. “A realisation that the cork doesn’t need to control the current. That you are being gently rocked in the cradle of nature,” he added.
Irrfan had revealed the news of his illness in a series of tweets earlier this year. “Sometimes you wake up with a jolt with life-shaking you up. The last fifteen days, my life has been a suspense story. Little had I known that my search for rare stories would make me find a rare disease. I have never given up and have always fought for my choices and always will. My family and friends are with me and we are working it out the best way possible. In trying times, please don’t speculate as I will myself share with you my story within a week – ten days when the further investigations come with a conclusive diagnosis. Till then, wish the best for me!” the tweets read.