"Dekho bhai," grumbled Mrs Dahi Bhalla from New Delhi, ``this is really too much! Why all this golmal over portfolios? Maybe because I am not a politician's wife, I find it hard to accept musical chairs as a game.''

I soothed her by saying, ``It is a part and parcel of political change. We are in the process of maturing. Ministers must come and go. After all, if we can change prime ministers in this sultry weather, the way we change our sweaty clothes, what's wrong with a Jaipal Reddy or a P. Chidambaram floating in and out of government?''

``It isn't as if I resist change or anything. I am, in fact, all for it. See my new summer crop? Unko achcha nahi laga. But I said, `Baba, I was feeling hot with that ponytail. So I went and chopped my hair off','' Mrs Dahi Bhalla said.

``What? You chopped off your ponytail? That was a mistake. Mayawati has made it the most popular hairstyle in the cow belt. It is politically correct, too. No more buns and plaits ... it is ponytails for now,'' I said.

``See, I am a simple woman. I like P. Chidambaram, but he should not have sulked like a rejected bride on her wedding night. One has to think of the country first. Anyway, now that one of our men is the prime minister, I'm sure we can all relax. That is the Punjabi culture -- eat, drink and be merry -- for tomorrow we are broke,'' she said.

``Please don't say that. Gujralji will be most offended. Besides, he seems a conscientious, hard-working man. Slim and trim, too. Not the sort to over-indulge in any way. As for being broke, with Chidambaram's budget, that fear doesn't exist,'' I said.

``Arrey baba, why do you take everything so seriously? In our taash circle we call it the battle between Mr Safari Suit and the lungi brigade,'' she laughed.

``Please don't make fun of the traditional South Indian dress. If you must know, it is very user-friendly and ideally suited to our climate. Nobody wears safari suits these days, not even people who are on safaris in Nairobi,'' I corrected her.

``There you go again, taking everything personally. I am only pointing out the differences. Let's be honest. Those who've been raised on a diet of tandoori murgi and lassi cannot switch to idli-sambar overnight. The lungi brigade must understand that we Punjabis really like our khaana-peena. I'm sure Gujralji will serve better tea-time snacks now that he's calling the shots. Chhole-bature, samosas, kuch namkeen, kuch meetha, life is so short, yaar. It's important to live it to the hilt. Gaana-bajaana, shor-sharaab. That is the spirit of the Punjab. You'll see, Gujralji will bring a lot of josh to official entertaining. Kya style hai,'' she gushed.

``Sure, sure. But what about the real job on hand? Governance?'' I inquired.

``Woh to sab ho jayega. Why worry? That's taken care of automatically. We have thousands of bureaucratic babus to keep India running smoothly. Gujralji should concentrate on projecting a good image of the country,'' she insisted.

``What is your idea of a `good' image?'' I asked.

``You know ji, you ask too many irrelevant questions. Look at Bill Clinton -- so much sho-sha. Everybody in the world thinks America is the greatest country. Why? Because their President and his wife know how to project the right image. Aaj kal packaging ka sawaal hai, ji. Remember the days we used to buy basmati chaval from the neighbourhood baniya. It didn't come in a plastic bag with a brand on it. The world has changed. Gujralji has a vast international following. Admirers everywhere,'' she exulted.

``Everywhere? You mean in Russia and Iraq, don't you?'' I commented. ``Lo ... you are very naughty. If I didn't know you better, I would have said you are a hired agent of the TMC. Hum log from the north are open and generous people. We think with our hearts,'' she giggled.

``And stomachs too,'' I added.

``That is most unfair. Sometimes, we also use our minds. Are you saying we don't have any Punjabi intellectuals?'' she demanded.

``Don't put words in my mouth. I'm not saying anything. There must be at least two if we look hard enough. I'm delighted we have a prime minister who actually stays awake at key meetings. Or maybe he is more used to harsh TV lights than Deve Gowda. But he certainly manages to keep his eyes open and that's something, a big improvement,'' I conceded.

``You are very mean, ji. We Punjabis are feeling so proud that the first sarson-da-saga is being staged in India. Now, you are trying to spoil the fun,'' she cribbed.

``Not at all, Gujralji will provide the sarson and Chidambaram anna the makke-ki-roti. That's what I call real national integration,'' I said.

Copyright © 1997 Indian Express Newspapers (Bombay) Ltd.