Rose Rudert, child development specialist for St Louis Children's Hospital,says that parents who learn to step back and understand their child'sbehaviour can avoid reaching the brink of raising a hand to their child. Inthe process, she says, they can win their child over to better behaviour.

"The purpose of discipline is to achieve positive long-range results, aswell as cooperation now," Rudert says. "Research has shown that children whoexperience a great deal of punishment become either rebellious or fearfullysubmissive." So, what do you do instead? Rudert and the Child DevelopmentCenter at St Louis Children's Hospital offer these suggestions:

Use natural and logical consequences. When you don't eat yourbreakfast, you get hungry. When you forget your coat, you get cold. Theseare natural consequences and are great ways for children to learn theresults of behaviour.

However, sometimes natural consequences are not practical, such as when theyput children or others in danger. For example, adults cannot let childrenexperience the natural consequences of playing in the street or throwingrocks at others.

When natural consequences won't work, logical consequences can be used as analternative to spanking. The best thing about logical consequences is thatyou can tie them directly to the behaviour. So when Bobby writes on afreshly painted wall with his crayons, a logical consequence would be tohave him clean the marks. Now Bobby learns how to take responsibility forrepairing his mistake.

Keep children informed. Temper tantrums are a common reason forspanking. When children feel powerless in a situation, they often use atantrum to regain power. The parent, feeling threatened and out of control,too, uses force to bring the child back in line. By informing the childahead of time to expect a change of scene or situation, the parent caneasily avert the tantrum and the spanking.

Instead of telling your child you will be leaving the toy store at amoment's notice, tell him that you will be leaving in a few minutes. Thisallows the child to prepare for the change.

Lead them not into temptation: Children are born explorers and seemnaturally to gravitate to the most breakable or dangerous items. You mayhave fully childproofed your house, but what about those homes you visit? Ifyou make sure you have a toy or other distraction handy, you can divert yourchild's attention from Aunt Bessie's fine china without using a slap on thewrist or bottom. If the diversion doesn't work, you should physically removeyour child from the scene of a possible accident.

Allow your child to be angry: Anger is a normal emotion that shouldbe recognised and respected when it occurs, not controlled or suppressed.Parents who listen responsively when their child displays anger createcommunication and understanding that will serve the child throughout life.If the first impulse in response to anger is to strike back, Rudert suggestsparents learn to remove themselves from the situation long enough to getcalm.

Even though spanking seems like a quick fix to a situation gone bad, it canlead to long-term problems that are worse than the behaviour the punishmentwas meant to fix. Research shows that children who have been spanked aremore prone to low self-esteem, depression and lower-paying jobs as adults."Parents who look for other ways to instill discipline and responsibilitycan be rewarded with more open, self-confident children and happier, morenurturing families down the road," Rudert says.

-- www.oxygen.com