The season for objections

Now look here, we find the loud noise of TV news intolerable, culturally speaking of course. So, we will boycott news channels. If despite our boycott, they continue to disturb the peace, we will switch off the TV sets. If they still broadcast louder and clearer than the Republic Day parade bands, we will break the TV sets. If that doesn’t stop them, we will disconnect the cable TV or DTH connections. If that fails to silence them, we will protest at Jantar Mantar, India Gate until the Central government bans them. And if all else fails, there’s always an FIR or the moral police: the Grand Mufti, Muslim outfits, the RSS, the VHP, Shiv Sena...

In the cold climate of cultural intolerance, to say nothing of the weather conditions in the north, we object. We object to the 9 o’clock news not being the 9 o’clock news at all, but the 9 o’clock views. We object to their loud cloud, oh, but we’ve said that already.

Moving right along, let’s get to more objectionable matters on TV. So much to object to. Take, for instance, Sooraj’s face (Diya Aur Baati Hum, Star Plus). In the last six months, if his expression has changed even once, we will watch all the episodes of the serial we have missed over the last six months. Honestly, his face is as expressive as a blank sheet. And one year

... contd.