Two historic events took place on Friday the 13th; one, the sentence on hanging in a Delhi courtroom, and second, the sentence in a Delhi conference room declaring Narendra Modi the BJP’s PM candidate, which had been hanging for a while. L K Advani didn’t show up but what if he had? Here’s how the meeting of the Hindu Undivided Family (HUF) could have gone, which unmodified, reveals the real story behind the coronation.
Party President: This meeting is called to order, and we will proceed without disorder and that is the order from Nagpur. The meeting is to announce the name of Narendra Modi as our prime ministerial candidate. We have to show the watching world, and TV cameras that we are a HUF, even though a few of us have been in a huff. It is time to put Modi up front and take the bull by the horns.
L K Advani: Bull, I mean why this holy cow approach? Let’s be upfront about this; he is a divisive, polarising figure. A man of experience who has served in key positions at the national level would be a better choice.
President: We have considered your view. Let’s hear from Mr Gadkari.
Nitin Gadkari: As someone involved in road construction, I can see that the road ahead will be smoother if Modi is announced. He is like a bulldozer that will flatten all opposition. We need to go full speed ahead.
Sushma Swaraj: What’s the hurry? The country is used to driving slow because of potholed roads by shady contractors. We need to examine the bigger picture.
Arun Jaitley: From my experience at the BCCI selection committee, I can safely say that Modi is the right choice, baby.
Murli Manohar Joshi: Modi was actually the wrong choice for the BCCI as far as I recall, baby. However, from my position on the fence, the road ahead is not so clear. We must examine the Gujarat model more closely.
Venkaiah Naidu: The Gujarat model is our trump card. The BJP parliamentary board’s constitution needs to be modified so we can take flatten the opposition.
Advani: It’s already been Modi-fied, as far as I can see. My problem is that the national debate will be all about Modi and the issue of the Congress misrule and corruption will be ignored. The Gujarat model of 2002 will be revived and Rahul baba will be in