Women still find mom-in-law hardest to deal

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London: Saans-bahu stories have been there for centuries. And, now a new study says that the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still continues to be at the root of much family disharmony.

Researchers in Britain have found that friction with mothers-in-law are causing long-term unhappiness and stress to their daughters-in-law who accuse the older women of showing unreasonably jealous, maternal love towards their sons.

"Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict emerges from an expectation that each is criticising or undermining the other. But this mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female norms that few of us manage to shake off completely.

"As they struggle to achieve the same position in the family as primary woman, each tries to establish or protect their status, each feels threatened by the other," The Daily Telegraph quoted lead researcher Terri Apter as saying.

Apter and colleagues at Cambridge University have based their findings on an analysis of a research, involving hundreds of families, which they carried out for her new book, 'What Do You Want From Me?'

Over two-thirds of women said their husband's mother caused them anxiety, while the mothers-in-law complained that that they were isolated by their daughters-in-law.

Moreover, the researchers found disputes often started over the newcomer and experienced mother-in-law locking horns over who knows best about issues such as cooking, cleaning and the welfare of children. In fact, in many cases, this rivalry became more personal and emotionally charged.

What's interesting is that the study found that 75% of couples admitted having problems with a mother-in-law, and just 15% of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships were difficult.

"Men are better at avoidance strategies when the in- laws are visiting. But women can't keep a low profile. For all the changes there have been, issues such as cooking, behaviour of children and how a table is set or a meal presented are things that affect a woman's sense of self-worth and she is judged on them," Apter said.