The torch en route

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It’s been a while since we last thought of the Olympic torch. Where is the little guy these days, anyway? Still getting good hotel rooms? The torch came to mind as the Democratic primary election returns came rolling in. Has anyone else noticed how much the presidential campaign and the Olympics are starting to resemble one another? Triumphant march toward the big summer party turns into an endless race through conflicts in increasingly remote places. Meanwhile, the fiesta ambience gives way to sullen muttering about calling the whole thing off. “Hillary, of course, will make the decision as to if and when she ends her campaign. But I hope that she reaches that decision soon,” said the former Senator George McGovern. McGovern is 85, and was an early Clinton supporter. These days, he represents her most loyal demographic: extremely old people. One of the flaws in the theory that Hillaryites will stay home in November rather than vote for Barack is that many of her staunchest backers are elderly voters, who tend to be such kneejerk good citizens that they would drag themselves to the polls even if the only candidates on the ballot were Lindsay Lohan and Ryan Seacrest. You may have heard, by the way, that residents of Saint Mary’s Convent in South Bend, all in their ’80s and ’90s, showed up to vote and were turned away because of Indiana’s strict new voter ID laws. The laws are supposed to keep people from voting under assumed names, and while nobody seems able to demonstrate that ever really happens, they are demonstrably good at protecting the public from a 98-year-old ballot-wielding nun. But we digress. The question on everyone’s lips currently is whether Hillary will quit now that her chances of winning the nomination are extremely remote. Privately, she says she does not intend to go home and tell Chelsea that she’s a quitter, and this is a side of her that even many Clinton-haters have really come to appreciate. After this campaign, nobody in America can ever seriously argue that women aren’t capable of being in armed combat. She is strong. She is invincible. Or, at minimum, extremely hard to discourage. “It’s still early,” she said to the inevitable questions about her plans. Clinton was paying a surprise visit to a college in West Virginia. West Virginia is very excited about having its day in the sun, and that in itself is a good reason to keep the whole show running. We wring our hands over Florida and Michigan’s votes not counting, but what about the people who haven’t even had a chance to go through the motions? Why should West Virginia be left out of the show? Or Kentucky and Oregon (May 20) or Montana and South Dakota (June 3)? “We’ve just been absolutely crazy about this,” said Rick Hauffe, the executive director of the South Dakota Democratic Party. “We thought — it actually paid off. The last shall be first.” The state party was buzzing about Hillary’s plans to fly into Sioux Falls, hold a rally in an airplane hangar, and fly off again. Hillary — who’s taken to mentioning her website address as often as the star of an infomercial — seems prepared, if necessary, to pay with her own money for the privilege of making 10 speeches a day, sleeping four hours a night and answering the same questions over and over again. Barack looks so tired that he seems ready to topple, but if you want to be the most powerful elected official on the planet, you ought to be able to outlast a 60-year-old woman. Grab that torch and head for Rapid City...