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BOOK : WRITING ON THE WALL

Customer care? That offer is over!


Posted: Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 at 2344 hrs IST
Updated: Tuesday, Jun 24, 2008 at 2344 hrs IST


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: Oh, wasn’t it all the rage? Customer care. Customer care seminars. Customer Care training. But, somehow it’s lost its glitter, it’s all a bit 20th century, 1990s. We have better, more modern, fish to fry. Anyway, it didn’t work, but what didn’t work, and what was it supposed to do anyway? Let me repeat the simple truth that I am sure you will find elsewhere in this book.

Finding and keeping customers is the only activity that generates revenue. every other activity involves you in cost.

Let us now have a look at the second word, CARE. What does that mean? Do you have savings? Do you take care of them? What does that mean? It means you put them in a place where they can not be nicked, and then you steadily try to add to them. Surely this must be the only definition of customer care. You lock your existing customers in with such levels of service that your competitors despair of ever stealing them away from you. Meanwhile, Sales, Marketing and, for that matter, everyone else, are quietly adding more customers, or that is the theory.

Let’s imagine that you are the owner of a chain of motorway services, and inexplicably you wake up one morning, and you decide you need marketing.

All the blue chip companies I ever work with tell me that they ‘have marketing’, but they always express it in the tone of voice that makes ‘having marketing’ sound like some kind of medical complaint, like piles or boils. Anyway, you wake up to find that without the correct ointment you have the dreaded affliction that is marketing.

People who offer marketing often have names like Gervaise or Tarquin, and they gambol and caper around their west London offices with sheer excitement at the prospect of ‘marketing’ your motorway restaurants.

‘What you need,’ pipes up Tarquin excitedly ‘what you neeeeeed is a promotion.’

‘Oh yes, a promotion!’ choruses Gervaise.

Tarquin continues. ‘What we’ll’ave is an autumn promotion, and the logo will be shaped like an autumn leaf to suggest to the customer that the prices are falling like autumn leaves.’

‘Yes,’ cries Gervaise, ‘and every home in the country will receive an autumn leaf shaped voucher, and as long as the customer purchases one full-priced adult meal, they will receive a further adult meal entirely free.’

This is called a B.O.G.O.F. by the way—Buy one, get one free! But what exactly are these...

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