Shah Rukh Khan has been detained at an US airport, AGAIN! Was he posing a threat? Presumably! To whom? The US public? You would think the authorities in the US would have learnt by now that the only threat that good ‘ol SRK poses is to the gullible Indian public and that too for stretching their boundaries of belief to inhuman proportions leaving them mental wrecks and not good for anything else, except for things SRK. But then Uncle Sam is not the one who learns from mistakes, does he? I mean, George Bush as president was bad enough, but increasingly we are seeing the possibility of Donald Trump as the President of the US of A! Now, that is a global threat. Bush destroyed the entire middle East from Afghanistan to Egypt and northern Africa too, what’s on the cards now – world destruction? So, dear Uncle Sam, SRK does not pose a security threat, you do! At worst, SRK may bore you to death. But we are digressing. Back to Shah Rukh Khan.
The last time round when he was detained at a US airport, SRK had blown his top and let it be known to one an all that ‘King Khan’ was displeased in the extreme. The Indian authorities pulled a few strings and worked the phone to US officialdom and got him out, quite dishevelled, nevertheless, he was free to roam America again. This time, he seems to have matured and was just piqued, as far as we can tell from his Twitter post. Is he getting, (horrors!) old? Fearing that his quite wishy-washy tweet may well send the wrong message to his fans (SRK aging?! God forbid!), King Khan quickly rushed to tell the world that he is still young at heart, and mind, and spent his time playing Pokemon GO and even caught a few of those ugly (some say endearing) monsters too.
Super! And in fact, Indian origin US Assistant Secretary of State Nisha Biswal, who seems to be quite besotted with Shah Rukh Khan (is she a fan?), quickly posted an offical apology – can we say here the Barack Obama admin apologised to King Khan? Is the controversy dead now? Was it ever alive, except perhaps in the wild, wild imagination of SRK himself? Oh, of course, we forget, his legion of fans was furious and did their b-b-b-best to raise a storm in a tea cup. To no avail. India ignored it. Kudos India!
WATCH: Shah Rukh Khan detained in US; sets Twitter on fire
So all of this will hardly add up to the script of a Shah Rukh Khan Blockbuster (no, no, we are not talking about razing the Manhattan skyline, PUHLEEEZE, folks! What do you take us for, we are straight Indians – as straight as they get). But considering we are hacks, we can’t let this opposrtunity go by without giving you the best (or worst) of Shah Rukh Khan’s on-screen mannerism and add a dash of humour to the entire episode – check them out below, you will love it. Of course, we would love to take a dig at Barack Obama too, after all, he has been tagged as the founder of the Islamic State, by THE Donald of course, which is much, much worse than being the founder of dozens of mind-altering Bollywood chartbusters (see, we learn from our mistakes, no more talk about those nasty blockbusters), but the world has had enough of O-bummer jokes.
In that lovingly mushy-mushy, cutesy (not my words, girls!) way that Shah Rukh Khan has, we would like to put in perpspective how King Khan has over the years managed to lull Indians into this psychedelic sense of surrendering to his charms. So, from the dimple in his cheeks to pursed lips and yes, flared nostrils, and receding hairline (no, no scrap that last point), we give you the Shah Rukh Khan experience! Enjoy!
Special message for you America? The world is not your oyster. Chill and bear it!
Oh yes, there is a lesson in it for Donald Trump! He has helped alienate over half of America with his extreme positions, but he would gain a lot of support, even perhaps, become the President of USA if he copied, yes copied, SRK mannerisms to woo the voter. Can someone mail this story to Donald, please? And no, Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) supporter, Shah Rukh Khan is not for you. Perhaps, Gabbar would suit you better, so stay off!
What! Dangerous?! Me? Crazy Americans!
Hey you, Uncle Sam? You wanna talk to me? Here, talk to my butt!
Check this face out. I am cutie, not a terrorist. There’s a difference! These Americans, you know.
I can blow your mind, be scared, very, very scared.
The art of saying sorry, Bhool, chook maaf! Bhai jaan lega kya bacche ki, ab jaane bhi do.
Behave! Or brace for a Bollywood whiplash!
With the Americans education sadly being neglected and their knowledge about the world likely to fit onto a postage stamp, SRK, with a name like Khan, should be prepared for the same again and much worse – if Donald becomes president, he can even look at being racially profiled and of being banned in America. Now, that is a worthy tale for Bollywood.